3 weeks of bliss

We had three wonderful weeks, LL loved his brother, and the normal screaming baby never seemed to appear...but now, the novelty has worn off and the diaper rash has kicked in and I'm finding it's not going to be as easy as I thought. Go ahead and laugh, I'll wait.

I should have known better, I do know better, I just couldn't help myself from getting optimistic. Lucas is still such a good, good baby who rarely cries. Not even when he's hungry in the middle of the night, he just sort of grunts and makes a few sounds, but never does he work himself up to a cry. If he's been on a blanket for too long by himself he may let out one solitary little whimper just to say 'Hey, I'm still here' but still it's never a cry. So last weekend when he started to really cry and wanted to be held all day long while he dealt with some gas issues and a horrible diaper rash followed, I realized my little guy must really be in discomfort. He didn't even cry like this when he got circumcised. That's still the least of it though. I just changed the things I was eating and his gas has rapidly cleared and a few days of 'Bordeaux's Butt Paste' and his little bum is all better and he's back to his normal easy-going self.

It's LL who is giving me the challenges right now. He's come to the realization that his brother is a permanent fixture who requires a lot of Mommy's attention which he is having difficulty with. He has taken to waiting until I'm nursing to suddenly have to pee or be desperate for a drink of water or heaven forbid, poop his pants (argh). While it's all very frustrating, and really works on your patience I know what is happening...he's adjusting and it's difficult for him. So I try, really hard, with lots of prayers throughout the day to keep my cool and give him more when normally I would want to reprimand. It's not his fault. He's constantly under my feet, asking for my attention, how can I not want to give him what I know he needs? Well, when your sleep deprived and trying to do all the other things like clean pee off the floor and make dinner, it gets harder to do.

I also realize, I too, am adjusting. I'm learning how to be a mother of two now, as opposed to learning how to be a mother like I was last time. We'll survive and this is just a little rough patch, but I had to take a breather yesterday and am really looking forward to Leo's company dinner tomorrow. Three whole hours of NO KIDS!

Who's kid is this?

This kid is crazy but he cracks me up

Boy Speak

Some things are just universal among little boys...things like dirt, bugs, and playing outside. But there are other things too. Like the fish at any pet store or at Wal-Mart - they're a must see.

Or of course, being "Superman" or any other super hero that requires a cape.

LL, I love you. You make me happy.

Here's Lucas!

Meet our newest edition.

Lucas Sebastian

He is the sweetest little guy and we've been tremendously blessed to have him in our family. He is such a wonderfully tempered spirit and just radiates a specialness about him, but that could just be because I'm his Momma that I feel that about him.


He had jaundice quite badly in the hospital and had to undergo phototherapy which is when they stick them in an incubator with UV lights beating down on him to help break up the biliruben. It was so sad watching him in there but it was necessary. Luckily he was able to come home with us on Thanksgiving and boy was I ever so thankful for him!

"Almost"

To the lady in the store today who gave me a sideways glance, got caught looking at my hugeness and laughed to say, "Almost"...that is the same as saying what I know you are thinking which is, 'Damn she's huge'.

To the man, three aisles over in the same shopping trip who said, "Wow, you're gonna have this baby right here in the store. We're gonna have to call for a clean up on aisle 10", I see your intended joke, but I didn't really find it funny.

To my Mom, who, immediately following that trip, said "You're getting big, Mija" (as she rubbed my Buddha belly)...Sigh. Yes, I know.

Do women who are 9 months pregnant normally hide in a cave somewhere?

Uterus of steel

That is the description my OB used to describe my uterus yesterday. She laughed and said she's never seen a uterus like mine. She even jokingly asked if I've ever had my uterus sewn shut. Of course, she would know if I had.

So still no changes, I am still exactly 0% of the way to a successful vaginal birth but I have come to terms with it. Also, I am showing protein in my urine, so depending on how that develops she may even take him earlier. Luckily, however, my blood pressure is still really good so it may work out to be nothing more in the end.

Oh well, I'm over it. Now, I'm just gearing up for the surgery.

Counting down...

The baby will arrive in two weeks. Exactly. I know the day. Monday, November 22, 2010 at 9 AM. How do I know this? My doctor scheduled my c-section. I am utterly disappointed. The baby is already getting too large to descend into my pelvic bones, and I am already having the same problems I had with LL.

I see her rationale, and I logically can agree with her. Emotionally however, I am completely on the other side of the fence. I DID NOT want to have another c-section, though I knew from the beginning it may be necessary. I wanted to avoid this at all costs. My doctor tried to get me to "open up" during my pelvic exam (all you mom's out there understand that) which was fruitless and uncomfortable. She said the baby is not engaged, I am not ripening and I am, as said before, completely closed up.

Granted she did say a lot could change in the next 2 weeks and I could still go into labor on my own. If that should be the case, she said as long as I'm dilating, she's all for the VBAC. So, I have taken to every wives tale and known avenues to assist with inducing labor and I have spent a lot of time on my knees. We'll see. I don't have much hope left in me though and am getting ready for the surgery.

My doctor tried cheering me up by saying 'at least none of your girlie parts are broken and you'll live through this experience'. Meaning, if it weren't for modern medicine, I would die in child birth. Now there's a bright side.

Red means stop!

Recently, LL has learned about street lights. He has learned that red means stop, green means go, and yellow means go faster.

Yesterday, I was driving to church and as I prepared to make a right turn on a red light, I hear from the back seat, 'red means stop Mommy'. I made the turn anyway.

I got lectured from the back seat for the next 3 minutes.

Good Friends

Growing up, I always had friends. The problem was, I never had good friends. Years ago, when I decided to turn my life around and get sober I realized I had to rid myself of all the people who would hinder the process. When all was said and done, I had rid myself of everyone - literally. For years I had no friends. It was a very lonely and very difficult time in my life.

In the past few years, I finally managed to make a few friends. I found that making friends had becoming something very strained for me. It was not a natural thing, I had really become introverted and social situations had become something very far outside my comfort zone. However, while I had managed to make friends, I never made close friends. In the last year or so, I finally managed to make a few really good friends.

During this move, I realized a few things. I needed help, I couldn't just do it all on my own like I was used to. At 8.5 months pregnant, it was all so much harder than I thought it could be. I really under estimated the toll it would take on me. I thought, I'm in good shape, I'm active, I can do it. I was wrong. I've also realized I have a really hard time accepting help from others. I've just grown so accustomed to doing things on my own for so long, that asking for help is so much harder than making friends. I just can't do it.

Saturday was moving day (part 1). We got up early and were up and running. At 7:30 AM I get a text from a dear, dear friend that she had left something on my doorstep. It was a little care package with lots of sweet little notes and loads of goodies. It was one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a long, long time. It was simple and sweet and just because and it just meant a lot.

Then, the men had all showed up and everyone was getting to work. I still had a lot of cleaning left to do at the house. I had been working there for 2 days already and was really tired and was having a tough time. I literally was praying just to make it through the day. I was getting ready to load my car and head on over to the other house when 2 of my friends showed up. They, with many other people, had offered their help, I just couldn't get myself to say "Yes, come help me" even though that is what I really needed. So they just showed up. Which was exactly the right thing to do.

We headed over to the house and they had everything finished in a matter of 2 hours. It would have taken me much longer. I was so grateful. Then, I get another text from another dear friend saying she feels as though she should be doing more for me and what could she do to help. I was so overwhelmed to see all this out pouring of help and attention from my friends.

Granted, the key it turned out was someone just showing up to help me but I really, really, really appreciated it. What I appreciate more is their friendship. For the first time in probably 7 years, I can say I have friends and it feels good. I didn't realize how much I missed having girlfriends and I'm really glad to have them.

Look who's hittin' the road

Well, LL's birthday came and went, and we did not get his present in time in spite of all my efforts. I ended up having to order it online and have it shipped to us, so LL didn't his gift from us until this past Saturday.
It was blazing hot, yet LL's Daddy withstood the blazing heat and assembled the truck and took his boy out for a drive all the same. The truck is pretty cool, I must admit. It even comes with a radio. Like a real FM radio. Just picture it, LL driving his truck down the street, playing Dr. Dre of all things for all the neighborhood to hear. It wasn't our finest moment, but my boy was happy, so ask me if I care.

As the days go by

Each day that passes, I realize I am closer and closer to the arrival of our next little guy. However, lately, as each day passes I feel a sense of growing sadness. I watch LL and I realize our days are numbered. I recognize more and more how special our time is. I am so lucky to be able to be home with him, to be the one who on a daily basis gets to interact with him, to teach him. I also realize that everything is going to change soon.

I will no longer get to have "good" days when he and I are both in great moods and are able to have just special one on one time with no disturbances or outside distractions. When I'm rested and feeling good, I enjoy our days so much. We play and we read, we do all these things that make me feel like I am doing good for him and making the difference in his world by spending that time with him. It just is making me sad to know things are changing. I am not going to say that I won't still be able to make a difference for him and I realize things will still be special with another life added to our family. All I am saying is that it will be different.

I know how special my siblings are to me, and I know the new baby will eventually be the same for him. But as I watched my boy eating his healthy lunch today as he looked at the birds outside the window, I was just filled with a sense of joy and gratitude for the the little things...like feeding him good healthy meals. I am so grateful for the moments that are mine and mine alone with him. I realize all this apprehension and sadness is just the element of the unknown, and a by product of all the stress I am under lately. This too will pass, but I wouldn't mind if time just slowed down for a while...

Leo Turns 3

Today was LL's 3rd birthday party -- tomorrow is his actual birthday, but he doesn't need to know that. Today was such a good day, he had the best time. We had his party at a facility called "Wild Kingdom".

This place is pretty cool, it is a large warehouse with tons of bouncers and obstacles for the kids (and Dad's) to run and play with.

The facility does EVERYTHING for you. They order the food, they serve everyone, they serve the kids, they even write down a gift log for you while your kid opens his gifts. The only down side is it is such limited spacing that we really had to limit who we invited. That's the downer, who wants to pick and choose cousins? We finally just made an age limit, that was the only way we could keep our numbers down.

But it was so much fun. My little guy loved it, and even asked when he came home if we could have another "Leonard's birthday party".

Thanks to every one who came and made his day great.

Boxes Everywhere

I'm being buried alive. There are boxes everywhere and my upstairs is about 90% done. It's time to start on the garage and doing the easy stuff downstairs.

The move is already taking its toll on my little guy. Every time we go over to the new house, once he figures out that is where we are headed he starts to cry. He frequently says he doesn't like the new house and that his room is at HIS house. I try talking the new house up but I don't think he's fooled.

Today, he went to play at his Aunt Irene's house so I could pack. I worked on his room. He was so upset when he got home. He told me his room was broken and that I needed to clean the mess. As he was getting ready for bed, he was running from his room to mine, when he tripped on a box and he told me the Home Depot Box needs to go away.

To top it off, I changed his sheets while I was working this afternoon...let's just say that was not the thing to do on a day with so many distressing changes already packed in it. He flipped out, and was yelling for his football sheets. You know, the kid likes his order, and his OCD was definitely showing through tonight. Granted he was really tired and I know that was adding to the whole thing but boy, was he mad.

I feel bad for him. I knew this was going to be tough on him, but I thought, that day or weekend would be tough, you know, when we made the actual move...not 2 weeks before hand.

What parents won't do for their kids....

Sunday will be LL's 3rd birthday. We have been looking forward to his birthday because this year, he knows what birthday's are, and he is really very excited about it. I am not one to do big parties for my kids when they are very small, I feel like they don't remember it, they have no idea what is going on and that is just a lot of work, time and money that could be better spent elsewhere. I know, I know...bah hum bug.

I wanted to do a really big party for LL this year, but being 7 1/2 months pregnant, that just wasn't going to happen. So we opted for a smaller party to be held with just his little friends at a local jumper warehouse. He knows he's having a "Buzz Lightyear" birthday and it's been a lot of fun.

At church on Sunday, the Bishop gave him a chocolate bar (like a full sized grown up bar) and he thought that was awesome. Leonard and I wanted to get him a special gift for his birthday too. We decided on a Power Wheels (pictures will follow). We found it on special at Wal-Mart - it was a too good to pass up Roll Back. The only problem is...it's too good a deal to pass up. They are sold out everywhere.

I have spent hours calling every Wal-Mart in a 50 mile radius, checking Toy's R Us so they can match the price, calling Costco, Sam's, Target...you name the place, I've called looking for this particular one that we want. Finally I schmoozed and sucked up to a lady on the phone at Wal-Mart who has promised to hold her 1 and only Power Wheel that is on the truck being shipped from the warehouse. It should be here by Wednesday night. I can pick it up on Thursday, just in the nick of time. Now, I just have to hope she really calls when it arrives.

My only other hope is there is a Power Wheel on a truck headed to Pomona, I only know it should arrive some time this week. They told me when shipments arrive, but they made me no guarantees. I don't care. I'll be there at 8 AM every day if I have to but my kid will have his birthday present on Saturday come hell or high water!

Family Time

As I'm opening my eyes this morning, Leonard rolls over to me and suggests we go on a bike ride before it gets too hot. This is something we love to do, and have done in the past. In translation, I ride the bike while he runs the 7 miles we've made our route. It sounded great to me, so we quickly got up, get breakfast for LL and me and off we go.

The morning was beautiful. Cool but bright and everyone was in a good mood. For the next 7 miles, I got to just enjoy my family. LL and I talked, getting excited about all the trucks that passed us along the way and looking for big spider webs spun in the bushes. My husband and I traveled in mostly companionable silence, with brief spurts of conversation.

This is what makes my life whole. These are the moments that give meaning to my world. I love my family and I love spending good quality time with them. I'm so grateful for what I have.

When we got home, I packed for a couple of hours and when LL took his nap...I did too. The day has been great.

I totally suck

Some days I just feel like the worst mom. Today, I fell asleep. Literally. Fell asleep, while my child played. Who does that? I was out for like 30-45 minutes before LL finally jumped on me telling me to get up.

I am so tired lately from packing and just carrying this big belly around that we haven't gone to the gym (which he actually enjoys), we haven't gone to the park, we haven't had play dates -- although we did finally manage to squeeze in a visit to Disneyland. This whole pregnancy I've just been exhausted. I never got my energy back and what little I'm realizing I had in the 2nd trimester has quickly disappeared since beginning the third.

I'm cranky, my patience isn't what it usually is with him and I just hope and pray these are not the things he remembers about me. I love being able to spend time with him, to do all the things he likes to do, but after reading the same books over and over each day, I'm tired of reading them. Isn't that awful? I feel terrible.

I'm so hot I just want to freeze out this house, because I am constantly with a film of sweat on me, but my little guy is fighting a cold, so I only freeze him out part of the day because I'm only partly selfish.

I totally suck.

2 Down

2 boxes down, a whole house full left to go. I officially have begun packing our house, with the first few boxes filled and taped. Yup, we are moving. This will be our 3rd move in 6 years of marriage. I am not especially excited about moving this time, as I will be a month from delivery and will have a toddler to work around who just wants to help.

But, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do, right? So moving it is. We are moving to Corona, leaving Chino where we have spent our entire married life. On the plus side, it is much closer to Leonard's work and only 3 miles from my sister. The home is very pretty and we have lots to work with to make it our own. No more HOA's! Yay.

On the down side, I am bummed to be leaving Chino and this house. It has served us well, and we have made a lot of good friends here, but Corona's not too far away. Also, the pluses out weigh the minuses. This is the best thing for our family. Hopefully we won't be moving again for many, many, many years or ever again...

The Laziest Day

I still have 11 weeks left of this pregnancy and I am already slowing down, down, down! Yesterday, was seriously the laziest day ever. I never made it to church, I couldn't get out bed. Leonard was a doll, telling me to go back to bed if I needed it and he would take care of LL. So I stayed in bed all morning. Literally.


I finally managed to get up, shower and get dressed around 11:30! So embarrassing. I never put make up and only put gel in my hair so it wouldn't look like I completely neglected everything that day. I was completely OK with that. By 7:30 I was back in bed, lights were out and I was snoring.

You know what? I don't care that it was the absolute laziest day on recorded history, because I was tired and I LOVED it.

Hot and bothered

Let me just say, I knew this would happen. June and July were mild, easy, breezy climate months, now August has arrived, as well as, the hot and miserable. I knew that I would not get off easy. When I was pregnant with LL, also during the summer months, I was huge, uncomfortable and HOT. When I discovered I was pregnant this time, I hoped, in vain, that it wouldn't be so bad, as the really hot months would pass before I came to be too big and uncomfortable. Then June and July, like I said, were easy, breezy and I knew I was in for it.

Now that I have started to reach that big and uncomfortable stage, summer has decided to rear its ugly head, and I know deep down in the pits of my soul, it will remain hot and ugly for the remainder of my pregnancy when I have too much to do & too much to get in order to just sit around and lounge in my air conditioned home. So much for having a fall baby...

Ugh.

Who knew?

Since I started with the severe TV restrictions, and iPhone restrictions, we have seen immense changes. One thing I've noticed however, is that the iPhone is a much more effective tool when it comes to potty training than anything I've encountered or used before. The simple threat of "No phone if you poo poo your pants" has worked wonders.

Since instating this rule we have had one semi-accident. I found skid marks in his underwear but no actual bombs, so I restricted the phone again, and he got the message LOUD AND CLEAR. We haven't had a mishap since. I realize it's premature to say it's been a complete success, one thing I've learned with potty training is that whenever I think I'm almost there...I'm not. We've been at it 6 months and I realize it was just too early. I should have listened to the pediatrician and all the mom's around me who kept saying it was awfully early to train. While potty training him to do number 1 was a cake walk compared to the trials and set backs we've experienced with number 2, he just wasn't entirely ready.

Anyway a girlfriend suggested getting him a toy that he really likes to use as leverage, and I knew I didn't have to do that, my iPhone was leverage enough. So far it has been working well. When I first got my iPhone, Jacki (my niece) made a comment that her iPhone could everything for her but bring her breakfast in bed, but who knew the extent of its capabilities?

Go Leonard...

Recently I had to make the brave decision to cut out the TV from our daily routine -- completely. I had to cut the TV because LL was becoming such a junkie I noticed he was no longer playing with his toys or reading his books. He was just sitting there on the couch doing nothing. I hate that. Also, I needed leverage. LL started pooping his pants again, and I needed to make it hurt when that happened. So I said no TV or iPhone's until he pooped in the toilet like a normal person and NOT in the bathtub! Well, we went 4 full days with no TV (and subsequently no poop either).

The first day was complete chaos. He didn't know what to do with himself and totally destroyed the house, being more destructive, digging, and curious than usual. He poured a new bottle of hand soap onto the couches and unrolled like a quarter of the toilet paper into the toilet. Everything was taken from it's baskets and all my utensils from the kitchen drawers. I was never so happy for my husband to arrive home from work.

Each day became gradually better, and he re-learned how to entertain himself. Then when I had all but given up hope - he pooped, in the toilet. True to my word, I gave him TV privileges again but decided we had made such nice changes, that I would greatly limit the amount he took in. Let's face it, in 3 months he's going to be watching LOADS of TV once his brother arrives.

So instead, we read, we color, play outside with the blowing bubbles, ride bikes, and play at the park. One thing we really enjoy is dancing. LL loves to "get down" and has a whole set of moves that greatly resembles break dancing. So yesterday as he danced in the kitchen, I yelled out, 'Go Leonard, it's your birthday'.

Later on as he was playing in the bathtub, Leo my husband was keeping an eye on him and hears, 'Go Leonard, it's your birthday' from the bathtub and sees LL happily singing to himself. He yells this down to me and I had to laugh because I literally said it ONE time. This guy picks up everything.

As long as he's healthy....

Two weeks ago, we had a week from hell. First our dog Memphis suffered a stroke. After $300 in Vet's bills we were told she's fine, and she'd make a full recovery. She has since made said recovery and regained the use and sight in her eye again. Then two days after that, we were told they found some complications with our ultrasound and placed the pregnancy in the high risk category and we had to wait for an appointment with the specialist for further information. The week just went down hill from there. That wasn't everything we dealt with that week but after hearing news like that, nothing else mattered.

Luckily, today we had our appointment with the specialist and everything is fine. I am so relieved and so glad that everything is fine. But for two weeks you listen to other ladies gush about their pregnancies or babies who are all healthy and while you are truly happy for them you can't help but hear the worry and grief that calls out from the back of your mind. We had a birthday party for our dear friends son's first birthday and all their families kept asking us how our own pregnancy was and you smile and say all is well while choking on the lies you know you are giving them and they all respond the same, 'as long as the baby's healthy that's all that matters'.

It's true. That is all that matters. It's so easy and so often taken for granted the miracle and beauty that is life, the miracle being created inside your womb. So while life kept throwing more ugliness at us these last two weeks, we realized none of it matters as long as he's healthy and now that we know he will be life is beautiful again.

We had The Hulk for dinner, and we loved it!

Tonight, The Hulk came over for dinner. I will gladly host him any night of the week. Why? Because he eats his dinner.

LL has become such a finicky eater that even my "old reliables" aren't even working half the time anymore. He used to love apples, bananas, rice and beans, tortillas, of course yogurt, and chicken. Chicken nuggets used to attract full second servings. But generally, he was an OK eater. He would always eat at least half of his meal.

These days however, he won't touch apples, even when I put peanut butter on them. He'll eat maybe 3 bites of a banana, if I make rice and beans, he'll eat just the rice but leave the beans. Even still, I have to put sour cream in his rice now for him to dive in. He won't be bothered with sandwiches, forget about putting a chicken nugget in front of him (if they're homemade that is) unless it comes from Carl's Jr. He'll eat pizza, crackers and of course lollipops...junk. He does like pupusas, and will eat maybe a half of one, but those are bought at a nearby restaurant and I just don't want him eating out so much. He does like cold cereal and will eat a full bowl in the morning, but if I make him eggs for breakfast he simply says, "no gracias, mommy". Cold cereal is fine to eat but if it's one of his sole sources of nutrition, I've got a problem with it.

Recently, on our trip to Utah, Aunt Peggy was helping LL with his sandwich in the back seat and I noticed her success when she invited him to take dinosaur bites. I implored the same tactics tonight. LL was pretending he was The Hulk so I asked The Hulk to take a few bites and show how big they were. He ate! He ate chicken, rice, Lima beans, corn and sweet potato's! I am thrilled. He ate a nutritious dinner! I'm so relieved, and I'm looking forward to using more of this technique.

Thanks Aunt Peggy!

Yakity-Yak

He never stops talking! Oh my goodness. I used to be so worried he was delayed but now that he's talking - he never stops. It's exhausting sometimes, hearing "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." all day long or "watch me", "what's this name?", "is that funny?" or "I want to do it by myself" Aaah.

I relish the hours between 8 PM (bedtime) and 7AM. The house is quiet, and my brain can rest. I'm usually so mentally depleted by that time. Come the morning however, the eyes and the mouth literally open together at the same time. Yes he has speech problems and I'm usually the only one that understands him but he speaks, a lot, and he needs to be listened to and responded to and right now, I'm tired.

Is it Friday yet?

Some weeks are just harder than others. This has been one of those weeks. It's just life happening, but as it happens though, you start to question your own inner strength. I like to tell myself I have a lot of inner strength, that I've managed to over come many things in this life. The reality is, I've overcome things that I have gotten myself into. When things just happen because that is the way life is, I have very little experience. If it's a mess I've made, I can become very determined to correct it; the path before me is simple.

With the other things that arise in life, I find myself feeling very inadequate. I'm not the strong woman I think I am, I'm scared and nervous and the only thing I can truly rely on is my unwavering faith in God. He has never let me down. I'll be glad when this week is over. Trials are a part of life, this I know. I'm not alone in my trials, I've got my incredible husband to hold my hand and through this life, together we travel. Life sometimes, just has a way of bringing us both to our knees. Nothing is life shattering or world altering and all things eventually pass. Thank goodness!

It's a boy!

Today was our ultrasound. I fell in love again in the flash of a single heartbeat. He is just so beautiful. He was scratching his head and kicking all over the place. The technician said he is weighing in at 11 oz., according to literature, babies at this gestational age should weigh about 8.5 oz. So apparently, this baby is right on track to being a big boy just like his brother. I just grow them BIG. I wanted a boy and my poor husband wanted a girl. So when the technician showed us the stuff, I yelled out, "It's a boy!" and Leonard tells me 'Is that all you know how to make woman?' It was obvious his disappointment and it took him about 15 seconds to jump on board and get excited. We had said on the drive it didn't matter the sex of the baby, I must say, my husband was true to his word.

What is surprising to me though, is that, there is a twinge of disappointment. I realize I will never have the girl, and while I wasn't ready for her, to know I will never have her, makes me realize maybe I really did want one.

Regardless though, I am extremely happy with my family. For whatever reason I am supposed to raise men and I am truly happy with that task and ready for the challenge. I think in the long run, LL will be so much happier with a brother. Now I just have to prepare him. He has been doing so well, I would hate for anything to upset his recent strides.

Earlier this week, I was told I had a fake family because I only had one child and I had my nails done and my hair cut and make up on, as if being a mother should make those things impossible. That comment disturbed me, but I have now concluded that is bologna because my worries and concerns for my "one" child are no different than they would be if I had 12 children. I realize I am changing LL's world, that quickly he will feel the pain of no longer being the only one. I worry how he will adjust and I worry he will feel rejected. My husband and I really are so very blessed to have our children and we are a real family. Even if we only ever had Leo we would still be a real family. Our love is real, our commitment to one another is real and our struggles to raise a child who will not only be successful professionally but personally is the same as well.

Euphoria

Anybody who knows me, knows that I love food. Some people eat to live, I, on the other hand, live to eat. If we have dinner plans to go out to a restaurant, I will often dream about what I'm going to order. I'll go as far as looking up their menu's online, planning everything out. It's not limited to eating out though, I love to cook and often take just as much pleasure out of planning our meals. I make the routine, easy stuff on the weekdays, and pull out my cookbooks and try something fun on the weekends usually.

But eating when your pregnant, takes food to a whole other level of euphoria. I love it 10x more and can often feel as though I'm sinning with all the pleasure I can get out of a fajita or sandwich or whatever it is I just so happen to be having a love affair with at the moment.

Yesterday was Father's Day and it was pure heaven. There was so much food. I gained 1.5 lbs. this morning when I got on the scale but I enjoyed every second of it. I'll be barefoot and pregnant as long as I get to be fat and happy too.

Don't mess with the pregnant hormonal lady

Don't mess with me, especially, especially, especially if I know I'm right and know you are an idiot. Tuesday I got a call from my OB/GYN's office reminding me of my appointment for Wednesday and to inform me that a balance of 65.00 would need to be paid at time of service. My husband's company has provided us with a Flexible Spending Account with his insurance so I knew she was wrong. So I asked if I could speak with the biller because I have had trouble with her in the past.

She gets on with total attitude, because the receptionist told her I wanted to speak with her because I have problems with her billing and she was offended by this statement. HAHAHAHA. I tried to explain to her I doubt I owed anything and I was hesitant to pay this bill because last time she told me I owed $100 which I paid, she then had to reimburse me. She then told me that perhaps I needed to call my husband's company and ask them to explain to me how insurance works because obviously I didn't understand. I quickly laughed at her and told her to keep her insults to herself because after working HR for a number of years, I understand perfectly how insurance works. I then told her, I was going to call my insurance company and check with them because obviously there's a problem here. Then I asked her, "Are you sure you put the claim through? Because last time I called them about that $100 I was informed you never even tried to get approval from my insurance company before you charged me. I just want to make sure this isn't happening again." She didn't like that. I don't care, I KNEW she was wrong.

So when I arrived at my Doctor's appointment yesterday, no one asked me for payment, nor did I offer to make any. Today, I got on the phone with my insurance. Not only had they paid their portion, but then paid the remaining balance from our FSA. He then proceeded to give me the check number and the dates it was issued and cashed. HAHAHAHA. I had to call the doctor's office then and give her this information. I couldn't help myself...so I suggested that perhaps she might want to call my insurance company and ask them how insurance works because obviously she didn't understand.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Hiiiii-yaaaaa

That's supposed to be the sound of a karate chop. That's the sound I imagine the baby makes when it kicks...which I finally felt. Yay! I thought I felt some flutters last week but decided against it because it was just too soon. With Leo I felt the first flutters and movement at 17 weeks. Leo was a big baby, and I felt his movements especially early for a first pregnancy. So it really shouldn't be too surprising I felt this one early too.

I just felt one swift kick and haven't felt anything since, but I'm sure it was the baby. I love feeling the movements, it makes it so tangible.

What is wrong with this kid?

LL loves talking on the phone. He isn't discriminatory, he'll literally talk to anyone. So this morning I'm on the phone with my sister-in-law and of course he wanted to say "hi". So when I pass him the phone, he gets on and says, "Hi Nina, wass up?"

What is wrong with this kid?

5 Years Later

It's been 5 years today.

I miss you terribly, Dad. Again, all I can say is that you've missed so much. Last time when I was pregnant with LL I cried so much from missing you, I feel the same ache this year as I am expecting again. I know where ever you are, that you know what is happening with us, that you know you are about to have your 3rd great-grandchild, and your 29th grandchild, but it doesn't take away the fact that I WISH you could hold my children...

"Princess" "Manny"

This weekend we have been busy...as always. As always, LL has cracked us up the whole time. Friday night, Leonard was given these AWESOME tickets for the Dodger game. We LOVE going to the games...especially if you are sitting down in front, so close that the players seem to be just right there. Leonard had gone to get our Dodger dogs and I was sitting there talking with my Mother-in-law not paying too much attention when LL jumps out of his chair, throws his little finger out in front of him, and yells, "Mommy it's Manny"...as in Manny Ramirez, #99 of the Dodgers. I look down, not seeing Manny anywhere I begin to tell him, 'no it's someone else' when I notice Manny Ramirez warming up on deck. He was totally right. The man across the aisle even asked in disbelief, "Did he just say it's Manny?". Yup, that's right, my 2 year old knows who his Dodgers are.

Then on Saturday we joined Leonard at Relay for Life. As a part of management for his company he had to participate in this little contest of men dressed as '50's style prom queens. As HR dressed Leonard in a pink poodle skirt and scarf my son watched on with this little confused look on his face before determining, "Mommy, Daddy's a princess". Unanimous laughter erupted from all of Daddy's co-workers as everyone had heard.

It was fun. I loved the Relay and hope we get to do it again year after year. It's a great energy at events like these and they are great opportunities to teach your children to get involved.

Growing and growing

When LL was first born, I used to be so amazed as each couple of weeks I would realize I somehow, miraculously managed to love him more and more. It got to the point where I could almost physically feel it happening inside of me, it just felt as though my heart was exploding. That feeling has long passed and I assumed I just loved him more than was humanly possible already and now we just get to enjoy watching his amazing growth and transformation into a young little man.

Then we hit the terrible two's and I kept hearing about the horrible three's and I realized life isn't always like those blissful early days of his life and some days I could seriously lock myself in the bathroom for a little "time out". LL being our first, I can already safely say, I've made tons of mistakes. Initially when we began disciplining I would just spank his little hand and that was enough. He quickly became immune to that and it just progressed into bigger spankings on his bottom. I didn't like that. I felt horrible about it and I began to see him hitting in return. I felt as though all I was doing was reinforcing that violence and hitting was okay and condoned in our home which just isn't the case.

So I decided to switch to using time-outs. That wasn't the answer either. Yes it works to an extent, it is a punishment and he doesn't like it but he doesn't learn anything from it. Then the other night I was really thinking about what is the best thing for him and I started reading my toddler books again and without finding an actual answer I did manage to find my own answer. I just decided to kill him with kindness, so to speak. I thought if I just stay totally calm, speak to him kindly, without anger in tone or voice maybe that would make more of an impact. He always like to be praised and he generally likes to please us, except for when he's feeling mischievous, I thought it was worth a shot.

The past few days have been so harmonious, and so enjoyable I've fallen in love just a little bit more again today. I felt my heart grow as I put him into his car seat after leaving the dry cleaners. Each time I place him in his car seat I always kiss him, but today I just had to smother him to death. I had to. As I smothered his little face all over with lots and lots of kisses he enjoyed it, and was giggling. When I finished he tells me, "Mas, Mommy" (which means 'more, mommy'). So again, I got to smother him and I loved it.

Then I found myself just staring at him as he played and realized I love this little guy more than anything in this whole world because without him, I would have no world and no life. It isn't always enjoyable or easy. I am not naturally equipped with tons of control or lots of patience, it is something I struggle to better develop each waking moment of every day but he's worth the effort.

Thanks LL for letting me love you...

Can you say OCD?

Both Leonard and I are OCD in our own ways. So it should not come as a surprise to me that LL is becoming totally obsessive as well. I'm all about the routine, I stick to it religiously. That has its drawbacks though, because LL is very decided on how things should be and there is no deviating from the path...not even a little bit.

Each morning, we cuddle in bed while he drinks his milk and I HAVE to sit with him. I don't mind, I relish our mornings - except for Saturday's and Sunday's when Daddy's home, then Momma has got to go. Then once we get up on the days we go to the gym, he's ready for that, but the days we're doing other things, he has to get out his "guitar" and sing (in reality it's a ukulele his Aunt Irene gave him but he loves it).

Each night, we brush our teeth and say prayers and then I turn on his music (its a classical CD), put on his night light and start his fan. Lately I've noticed however, is that at nap time he has to follow the bed time routine because that's just what we do. It makes total sense to him, it's craziness to me. Even more compulsive though, is that he HAS to have his green pacifier to sleep and "his" 2 blankets placed in a specific order - he must have his blue blanket Aunt Ana made him first, followed by his comforter. He recently changed out his yellow blanket a girlfriend had made when he was born for the comforter, without warning or reason, we just can't use it anymore. If you put the blankets in the wrong order, forget the light or heaven for bid, use a blue pacifier he just gets so upset. It's like the end of the world.

When he plays with his cars and trucks he has to line them up or park them perfectly aligned as they would be in a parking lot along the entire length of the couch. Everything has its order, everything has its place...we've created a monster.

"It's my pocket"

Today, LL is coloring nicely on the couch, we were killing time before his nap, when I see him bending over and fidgeting with the front of his underwear. I watch for a second before I ask him what he's doing...His response?

"I put my crayon in my pocket"

He had shoved a crayon into the front flap of his underwear where I could see it half sticking out. I laughed so hard, I could barely tell him it was a great place to store his crayons.

The Beat Goes On...

Yesterday was my prenatal appointment. I was super excited for this month's appointment because I was going to hear the most beautiful music in the world...the heartbeat of my precious little bun. Well excitement quickly faded into full blown fear when the doctor could not find a heartbeat.

She searched and searched, and as the minutes ticked by I could see the change in her face. She too was becoming concerned. Then she said, 'Let's go into the other room, I want to do an ultrasound.' Fear. 'Should I be concerned?' I asked. Her response, 'I don't know yet'. More fear. As I followed her into the ultrasound room, I quickly reminded myself that no matter what happened in the next few minutes, I could handle it. I felt as though all my unnatural fears and worries with this pregnancy suddenly had merit. Fortunately, she quickly located the baby on the ultrasound and even better, she found its heart beating. WHEW!

As I gratefully thanked my Heavenly Father for this little baby's life, I watched it wake up on the screen and stretch out its little limbs. I was so amazed at how developed it is and how I could make out the outline of its facial features. So I never got to actually hear its little heart beating but I got to see it, and if you ask me, that's better. The doctor assured me that sometimes that happens when they're still so small and that is not an indicator of any fetal problems. Thank goodness.

I have to admit I am a little concerned because that little thing wiggled and turned about a lot for such a tiny person...I really hope I don't get another one like LL - running around on high octane always with a full tank . I would love it if this one was a little tamer but I'll love it even more if its healthy.

Busted

Often when Leonard takes Little Leonard out with him on Saturday's to run errands, which includes, dropping off the dry cleaning, getting haircuts, and going to the car wash; LL comes home to report all about the ice creams or "hunnypots" (aka lollipops) Daddy has bought him while out on their adventures. Each time I laugh because Leonard is squirming at the fact that his 2 year old son has just rat him out and each time I get to tell him "Busted!"

Well this morning we had a doctor's appointment to get a couple of shots. As we were waiting for the doctor I explained to LL what was going to happen today. Naturally he was nervous and wanted to leave, so I ignorantly promised him a treat from McDonald's following our visit. Well, the doctor comes in and what does Leo tell her...'Mommy, McDonald's Leonard treat.' Translation: "Mommy is taking Leonard to McDonald's for a treat". Unfortunately, the doctor did not need a translation and understood perfectly what was being said. She expressed her concern about him having too much junk food - she really discourages all fast foods and juices as any good doctor should - and all I heard was, "Busted"!

The boy ratted me out and honestly, I still find it funny.

Maternity Clothes?

No Way! I refuse to use maternity clothes this early on into my pregnancy. However, I must admit in the past few days, the idea is becoming more intriguing. I am just beginning that awkward in-between stage when you just look fat. After having recently lost 25 lbs. I found the idea of people thinking I'm just gaining back the weight mildly repulsive, so I finally made the official "Facebook" announcement.

I was so nervous in the beginning of this pregnancy, afraid that it wouldn't last or that somehow I had misread the 4 pregnancy tests that I had taken. I was reluctant to spill the beans only because I was reluctant to believe I was actually pregnant. I kept saying, 'not until I hear the heartbeat', which as of yet, has not happened yet (but I will finally hear on Wednesday), but the pooch that is inevitably protruding is forcing the reality of this pregnancy to finally sink in.

I just think it is WAY too early for this tiny little thing to be rearing its ugly little head. I know, everyone has told me the second pregnancy shows much earlier, I get that, but understanding and accepting is two totally separate things.

So I will continue to be squished into jeans that are too tight and completely ignore the maternity clothes I received for Mother's Day that I already secretly tried on and feel like heaven. I'll give it another month before I cave.

The Auction

Yesterday, Leonard was invited through his company to an auction and wine tasting at Cal Poly Pomona. Obviously, I wasn't going to be doing any wine tasting but I could taste all the food. They had soooooooooo many vendors there and I was in HEAVEN! There was sushi restaurants, cupcakes, PF Chang's, Lucille's, Panda Inn, Roy's Hawaiian Fusion, The Melting Pot, Mimi's...so many to choose from. I was a food slut and I loved every bite of it. I had baggies in my purse in case I had to puke, which thankfully I didn't. How embarrassing would it have been to puke in front of Leonard's boss and his wife?

The funnest part of it all though, was the auction. I have never been to a true auction, with an auctioneer and everything. It was fun. It's mesmerizing watching rich people throw away their money. Man, how the other half lives...I tell ya. They also had a silent auction which we tried to bid on a fun night out, but we were past up. That's okay though, the experience was great. I can't wait for next year.

Disgusting

So at 10 weeks pregnant, I am still very sick and throwing up a lot. I've found that exercising, in spite of how tired I am, makes me feel better and less nauseous. I don't know why that works, but so far that's the only thing that has worked. Well, I had to miss my workout yesterday and was again unable to get there today so I knew I was going to be more sick today than I have been in the last 2 days. Surprisingly, however, I was feeling pretty good...and then Leo pooped his pants.

I was so grossed out. I was trying to dump the pieces from his underwear into the toilet when lunch spontaneously came up. So I am throwing up into a toilet full of poop and all I smell is poop which is making me gag and throw up more all while Little Leo is watching me. I manage to get it together because LL is watching me. Who wants your 2 year old to watch that?

So what is he doing now? He is standing at the toilet making puking sounds and pretending to throw up and get sick...At least now I know what I look and sound like, and quite frankly, it ain't pretty.

Back to the Grind

After a fabulous weekend, it is time to get back to my normal routine. Leonard, my husband, took Friday, Monday and Tuesday off and we spent an incredible weekend together. Friday, we just ran around, caught up on things, I went to the gym, and then in the evening we left for Palm Springs. We spent the weekend there, returning on Sunday in time for my bro's birthday but not before stopping at Hadley's and ordering a date-banana shake.

Then, on Monday, I hit the gym bright and early and we finished the day at Disneyland. While, yesterday was a day of preparing for the "real world" by doing laundry, cleaning, and the afternoon spent with my awesome nephew Daniel and the "Golden Girls" (my Mom and two Aunts). My mom came over so that I could learn an incredible new recipe from my beloved Tia Elena. Oh my gosh, it was soooooooooo good. Not diet friendly, but totally worth it.

While in Palm Springs, we had such a great time. We first went to the Children's Discovery Museum on Saturday morning and spent a good couple of hours there. Leo LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it! There was lots of interactive things for him to do, but his favorites by far were the painting and the motorcycle. I've attached lots of photos to show all the things we did there. It really is a great museum, and I'm sure next time we stay at the condo we'll be back. After the museum, we went back home had a leisurely lunch and lounged around the pool, I took a nap, then we went to dinner, listened to an outdoor concert and had some ice cream. It doesn't get much better than that.

Sunday, we got up slowly, I made a yummy pancake breakfast, and we sat around. It was awesome and so very relaxing. I felt really refreshed when we got home. Monday, we went to Disneyland. It was a great day, very few crowds but boy, by the end of the day, the weekend caught up to me and I was pooped!

Since my cousin's gone, I've gotten back into my regular routine of the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings and have noticed the huge difference it has made. I've been feeling a lot better, not a 100% but much, much better.

Enjoy the pics!

I'm so exhausted...

I know that's just the way things go, sometimes you are just tired and chasing my non-stop, overly energetic 2 year old doesn't help either. Things are slacking in the house, and I'm really falling behind, and I know my husband just thinks I'm lazy.

I'm not lazy, I just feel lazy and I am so tired. There, that's my complaining, I'm done now.

Leo's Chores

Yes, my son has chores. At night he has always been expected to help clean up. Sometimes, it's only like 3 cars that get put in the basket, other times it's a lot more. More recently however, I decided he was old enough to be assigned his first real chores. He is very much the helper right now and wants to do everything, so I figured now was as good a time as ever. It's not much, he just has to "set" the table for dinner. He brings the place mats to the table and lays out napkins.

OK, so it doesn't look very good, and yes, I go back and do it behind him, but you know what? He is sooooooooooooo proud of himself and that is good enough for me.

Change of Plans

What a bummer...I was supposed to be on my way to San Jose today. My cousin and her husband leave for Uruguay on Friday, these were my last days to spend with her. My sister is driving her and my two Aunt's who are also visiting up to San Jose, returning on Thursday evening. I was going to go but Little Leo has gotten a massive ear infection and Leonard my husband and I have both got head colds.

I was hoping Leo would nap, but he has been in his crib for almost an hour and he is still talking away. I don't think we're going to get it. Things could be better....and they could be worse. I still have a LOT to be grateful for right now.

How cute is this?

My visiting teacher, I love her. She already came to see me this month a brought me the cutest "Pot of Gold" complete with gold chocolate coins. This afternoon however, I got a surprise knock at the door, (I have to admit I was totally embarrassed because I hadn't cleaned myself up from the gym this morning and I was totally scrubbing the house and just felt so gross) and there stood Alisha with an adorable Easter basket. I just thought this was soooooo cute, I had to take a picture and share.

She is so cute, and I just really, really, really enjoy her.

I'm Alive

I have truly neglected the blog lately, but with good reason...I've been hanging with the family. My cousin and her husband and my Aunt and my Dad's cousin are all visiting from Uruguay and we've been busy going here, there and everywhere. It makes for long days, and I'm completely worn out by the end of the day, but it's been so much fun!

Today they headed out and I've had a pretty typical day, leaving me time to update. All is good here, nothing new to report. Except that Little Leo finally did a #2 in the toilet. He told me it was time before hand and he did his business in the toilet. I was really proud of him, of course, that all changed when today he pooped himself inside of Carter's.

Aaaah, whatta ya gonna do?

Sickie-Pooh

My baby is sick. I am realizing how spoiled I am. He is generally pretty healthy and doesn't too often get really sick. He's got a fever right now, it's his second fever in his entire life. I know right?

This time though, he is so sick. It started Monday night, he puked all over me...twice. Then Tuesday he had diarrhea and although he appeared fine, I knew he wasn't. I could tell. He was starting with a cough and runny nose, but something was just off. Last night, he had a rough night. He tossed and turned, crying in his sleep the entire night. I finally got up about 2:30 AM to give him some Tylenol and found him burning up. I stripped him down and he got a few hours of sleep but still was very, very restless.

Today, he awoke and just wanted Momma. He literally spent the entire day in my lap. Something just wasn't right and I had to go with my instincts. I typically don't like to rush to the doctor's right away, but I just knew he wasn't right. His sad little eyes, his listless body...oh my poor baby.

Well turns out he's got an infection in his chest and the doctor has him on breathing treatments. My girlfriend just blogged last week, about her little guy having to do treatments and I made a comment that I haven't had to give Leo a treatment in so long. I jinxed it. I hope he begins to mend. The doctor thinks by Friday the fever will break, if not, she wants to see him right away. I know he'll be fine by then, but I realized how lucky I am to have a healthy baby. He rarely gets really sick, sure he gets the usual run of the mill colds and runny noses, but I've never had to hold him the entire day because he just felt so bad.

So, we'll check back in a few days. Thanks for stoppin' by.

My Funny Man

Leo's new thing is being "funny". He likes to try and make me laugh. So I will be driving along the road or hanging out at home and he'll say something like, 'Mommy, watch this' and then break out into a series of funny faces.

Some of them aren't even very funny, but I think it's hilarious that he's trying to be funny. I love that after he does his faces, he laughs at himself and says, 'hahaha Leonard funny'.

It's a bird, it's a plane...

It's Leo!

Today we had a special family day. We booked a date on the calendar in which we scheduled absolutely nothing, other than just spending time with our little family. We went for breakfast and then went to Chino's Air Museum. It has an airplane graveyard and what they call their "Planes of Fame". They have quite a few military fighter planes from WWI, WWII, Korea and tanks from WWII. I'm not an aviation nut or even an enthusiast, but I had a ton of fun.

There were lots of old vets hanging out, all wearing their hats stating the war they served in and everyone was very friendly. They had one of their pilots fly a plane from the '40s as a demonstration. I found myself fascinated.

Needless to say, my little man, who is all boy through and through LOVED it. We got him this little air filled airplane he's been playing with all afternoon. He's already begun asking to return and now he has Daddy "flying" him around the house as he is now the "avion" (airplane).

I think it is safe to say, today was a hit. We're going to plan on attending the air show in May...maybe we'll invite Uncle Gerardo, a major aviation enthusiast and Little Leo's Papi, who is a Vietnam Vet.

Service

As many of you know, I serve in my church in our woman's group, which is called Relief Society. Each quarter there are activities and gatherings for which I am responsible for. I come up with a program which is meant to be inspirational and/or uplifting and also provides the ladies for an opportunity to learn something that will benefit either their home or families. Tonight, is our first meeting of the year, it is a dinner. Lots of work is involved and all my duties at home really get put on hold - everything. I haven't even made the bed for the last two days...(how embarrassing). From the moment we get up we've been on a tight schedule, running all over town getting last minute items and meeting with people to do more preparations.

Of course, through all of this, I am dragging my kiddo. Today, we met at the church to set-up and again, I dragged Leo. I brought his Thomas the Train Engine for him to ride around, and some snacks and let him have free run of the church. When I was a child, I have few memories from when I was very young. I remember when my Mom learned how to drive in the church parking lot and I remember going with her as she served in the Family History Library. That's about it until I am about 7 or 8 years old.

I find myself realizing Little Leo is close to the same age I was from those memories, and I can only hope that if he remembers anything, he will remember that I served at church. Whenever I serve, I remember the adage, "When in the service of your fellow man, you are in the service of your God". I want Leo to know that that was important to me, that church mattered, and that I lived it, and that it was more than just merely a part of our life. I want him to remember it shaped our lives. Most of all, I want God to be important to him.

Potty in Progress

So, it's been a few days since I last updated on our potty training progress. I am happy to report that - WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS! Today, he has begun telling me when he has to go pee-pee. I couldn't be happier or prouder, while at the same time, I could just laugh at myself at how easy it was.

It was a combination of things that turned the tide for us. First, I lightened up. I resigned to the fact that this was going to take time. I stopped trying to fit within some ridiculous criteria, that alone did wonders. Once Little Leo realized there was no pressure or he didn't feel my stress and/or the stress being projected on him, he began to really cooperate.

Secondly, I saw the light come on with him. I really did. I know the exact moment things changed for him, and since that moment he has made leaps and bounds. A few days ago, he made a really good pee-pee in the toilet and I got really excited for him. I said, "Mommy is so happy" and he picked up on that one little statement. He said, "Mommy happy?" Once I explained how happy Mommy was when he peed in the toilet, he just wanted to keep pleasing me...so typical of a 2 year old, but sweet as all get-out. Since then, things have continuously improved.

We still have work to do and we still have accidents but it's getting better...and Mommy is very happy.

Closing Remarks

Well this past week has been long and hard, very long and hard. Are we potty trained yet? Not even close. Have I seen a regression in both effort and successes on his part? Yes. Am I going to give up and throw in the towel, really remains as the BIG question...the answer is, no. I am not going to give up nor will I be throwing in any towels.

I have concluded this though, I was putting WAY too much pressure on both him and me. This is the reason I think we are having a reversal of progress. Yes, I did cave in and put some pull ups on him and yes he totally thought they were diapers, but the reality is I do have to leave the house. For both his sanity and mine, we had to get out of here. Sadly, I must admit, I have not enjoyed my son in this past week, I have been utterly fixated on him, but I have not stopped to really enjoy him as I lived in constant fear of an "accident".

So, after talking to every one and their mother, I decided to call my mother. She, as always, gave me some really good advice. She said take a breather, step back for a few days and try again. She said at this point, the two of us just need some down time and she was totally right. I admit, I cried my eyes out on the phone with her and she quickly pointed out, potty training isn't supposed to be this painful.

I have decided to stop listening to everyone who keeps telling me how their kids were potty trained in a day or a week or something like that. To those people, I envy you. That however, just will not be the case here. Like most things in my life, slow and steady apparently will be the pace for me. I am resigned to the fact that training is going to take me months. I will give it 2 months before I decide to quit. Universally, that is what is recommended in all my research. I think that is a good measure.

Lastly, I have concluded the demands of motherhood are equally matched by the age of the child. When they are newborns, they sleep, eat and poop. Life is easy, though at the time it seems awfully difficult. They get a little bigger, maybe they get sick or begin teething and things get a little more difficult. They become toddlers and discover their independence making things even more difficult...then comes potty training and you realize this is motherhood. Once you become comfortable in one phase of life, they quickly move on to something else. Slowly you realize, this is just how it's always going to be, you've never been a mother before and everything will always be new and consequently harder the first time around...then if you're lucky enough, you'll get to do it a second time and you'll find what worked for the first one may not work the second time. So to Lisa, Iris and eventually Kailey, I have no advice for you. Find what works for you and go with that and when that doesn't work, try something else.

Day 4 & 5

So you take one step forward and two steps back, that is how the saying goes right? Well then, why does it seem as though we've taken 3 steps backward? Utter frustration...that's about where I'm at. After our zero accident day, we had a 3 accident day. Which I know really isn't that bad, but that's only because the other times I gave in and used the water because I knew he was holding his pee. Twice I caught him beginning to do "#2" and ran him to the toilet only to have him stop immediately and NEVER do his business.

We had our tax appointment last night so my in-laws (bless their hearts and souls) offered to take care of him for us so we wouldn't have to put a pull-up or a diaper on. So how did it go, you ask? He peed in my FIL's hands. That's right, you read it right, he. peed. in. my. father. in. law's. hands.

He will only do pee on his own when he first wakes up in the morning or right after his nap, when he's been holding it for a while. Otherwise, he doesn't want much to do with the toilet anymore. So I've tried waiting longer in between pee breaks, what happened with that you ask? He. peed. on. my. door. Yes, that's right. He pulled down his underwear's and peed on the door. I can't even tell Leonard about that. He'd want to get the HazMat team over and sterilize the entire house. So last night he told my MIL when he needed to go but they didn't make it to the toilet in time, and this morning he took it upon himself to pee on the wall, so I think that might be progress whether I like it or not. Also, he did poop in the toilet this morning successfully.

The problem now just remains how do I get him to go pee in the toilet on our regular potty breaks. I've tried cheerios, reading books, standing up with water running in the back ground, I've tried warm water in a cup and sticking his hands in it, I've tried playing with toys in warm water immediately before a potty break and he couldn't care any less for any of it.

I have to leave the house soon, there is no other option, but I am at a loss. I wonder if I should put things on the back burner for a while, or should I break down and do pull-ups but all that just feels like copping out and failing...which I don't do gracefully. I've invested a lot of time already and don't want to make this week a worthless effort. Oh, what to do? what to do? I've got to get groceries soon....

Day 3

Well, we have had 0 accidents today...that's right, I said 0, as in "zero". We are still a half hour out from bed time and he is drinking a cup of juice at the moment, so yes, there is potential for error but I am quite pleased with the day. He is wearing the same underwear I put on him this morning.

Two things, though...number 1 I've slowly realized I am going to have to eventually leave the house and that scares me. I don't think I want to use Pull-Ups, although, I have to admit I see the desire there. I am just scared he will think they are diapers and we will revert back.

Number 2 - the water trick. Yes, it has worked wonders and is the primary reason we haven't had so many accidents because it gets him to release his urine as he should...but he now only goes pee if I use the water. So I think tomorrow I will ditch the water and go back to having regular accidents until he learns to pee on his own.

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Day 2

Today was SO MUCH better. Things are clicking now, and we have been much more successful today. We saw improvement last night, which came right in the nick of time. I was beginning to feel incredibly doubtful that we were going to accomplish anything. I said some majorly desperate prayers last night, not for a miracle but for patience and the confidence that was quickly fading. This morning I awoke with a renewed conviction to power through. I had already resolved to try for the remainder of the week and if by Saturday we hadn't seen any significant improvement, then I would hold off until summer.

But you know what? We've only had 2 accidents today. He has put two-and-two together and he understands to hold his urine now, and he has figured out how to release it. My husband, my hero, had the best idea ever this morning, and poured warm water on his tummy to help things along. Since this discovery, I have been consistent, going to the rest room every 40 minutes to an hour. I read his body signals and within 10 minutes after he has any liquids we take a pee-pee break.

It's been working. I won't say that we are over the worst of it, because I just don't see how that could be possible, but I will say we are improving. My spirits are improved, my confidence is improved and he already pooped himself...how much worse can it get right? I can totally do this!

Day 1

I HATE POTTY TRAINING!

We have only just begun, we are merely 1/2 way through the first day and boy does it BLOW! This morning was a disaster. We had 6 accidents in that short period of time, I've done 2 loads of laundry and 1 load with the rugs and I was never happier for nap time when I was able to put on a diaper.

On the plus side however, Leonard hates being wet. That if nothing else is in my favor. We did get one potty in the toilet. So, inspite of myself, I am hopeful. I am hating every second of this, but I am hopeful.

My Big Fear

Potty training. It scares the bijeebees out of me. I have been putting it off and putting it off, trying to convince myself that Little Leonard just isn't ready for it. However, the reality is, he is ready; it's me who is not.

In theory, I am all set. I have a Lightning McQueen potty chair, a potty chart, stickers for rewards and big boy underwear with all his favorite things on them. I've asked around, gotten as much advice as any one woman needs, it's just a matter of doing at this point. Yet, I am still paralyzed with fear. I am trying to convince myself it can't be much different or harder than house training my dogs. Still, that is not enough to make me take the plunge.

So here it is...I am committing myself to start on Monday. I'll follow up with you, my 4 devoted readers and keep you posted along the way.

Who knows, it could make for some interesting reading.

The Great Space Race

Years ago, I wrote a paper entitled "The Great Space Race" I had to choose any topic and argue its irrationality. Upon some intensive Internet research, I finally stumbled across the moon-landing and all the crazy "evidence" supporting its falsehood and chose that. I got an "A" on the paper, and in the process, had great fun with the topic. Since then, I've always argued against the moon landing, and beg the question, 'why has it not been done again?'

While I enjoy taking the stance that it never happened, I know it really did. Some people, get very passionate about it, like my brother Juan for instance, and I find it just funny to ruffle the feathers.

Last night, Leonard went to some aerospace award banquet. The guests of honor were Captain Sully, the miracle pilot from the Hudson River landing and none other than Neil Armstrong...from the moon landing. Well, Leonard being Leonard not having a shy bone in his body takes it upon himself to walk up, introduce himself to Mr. Armstrong, shake his hand and say, 'Mr. Armstrong, my wife doesn't believe you actually landed on the moon how do you suggest I set her straight?'

I died.

Mr. Armstrong simply replied, 'I get that a lot, you tell your wife, I was there'.

I continue to die to this very moment. When Leonard informed me of his conversation, I was in total disbelief. I said, 'You know I think that's all a joke right? I know that they really landed on the moon!' He said, 'No. I thought you were serious this whole time.'

Oh, how embarrassing. One of the modern world's greatest achievers and he has to think I am some ignorant schmuck.

Post Secret

A few months back I discovered this blog, it's called Post Secret, they even publish books. Basically, each Sunday the author uploads all these secrets that anybody can send in. He just chooses a handful of secrets at random and publishes them for all the world to see. All secrets are anonymous, of course and are totally random. You see all sorts of things come up on this blog.

I read it every week and it is my guilty pleasure. Check it out sometime....

Parental discretion is advised.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Time Travel

What is it about music that can stir old memories and make them so vivid? When my Dad died, I listened to Guns N Roses "Don't Cry" over and over again. The lyrics made me feel as though my Dad were talking me through my grief. Silly, I know, but I cried myself through that song many a time. I remember my girlfriend telling me about when her sister died, she did the same thing with a particular song.

Today, that song came on the radio as I drove and I nearly had to pull over. I was transported to a whole other time and place. I haven't heard that song since that time and I was bombarded with memories and feelings I haven't felt in so long. I had forgotten how utterly consumed with grief I was and how much guilt I carried with me during that time.

I just wonder, what song 10 years from now will remind me of all the joy I am experiencing in my home now and do all the same things again...

Pump It Up!

Today, we went to the 'free play' at this place called "Pump It Up". It's a big warehouse full of bouncers like the kind you find at a child's birthday party but bigger. When we arrived Leo was ecstatic. He ran straight into a jumper and had the best 2 minutes of his life, then...it collapsed...on him. I know I shouldn't find it so humorous, but I can't help it.

After the jumper incident, I couldn't get him to go back in. So, for 45 minutes he pushed around a Little Tykes car happy as can be. As always, he played off to the side by himself. I wish he would play with other kids, but he just observes and steers clear of any one else. Finally, he found a small jumper off to the side that was empty except for one other kid who was just a few months younger and he gained some confidence. It had an obstacle course which lead to a 10' slide. He scoped it out, and decided it wasn't for him. He was happy in the open jumping space, where Mommy sat waiting and he could easily escape should it collapse again.

Finally, Leo's adventurous side won out and the kiddie stuff just wasn't enough. We moved to a bouncer the next size up and he was intrigued. The bigger kids kept running through, climbing this wall which lead to a 15' slide. He tried to climb the wall and fell. He then decided Mom should hold him while she climbed the wall...he quickly found that that just wouldn't work. He continued playing in the bouncer, but each time the older kids came through, he would stop and watch. He watched and watched...then he went for it. He made it. He managed to climb to the top. After 3 or 4 times, he decided the big boy slide was what he wanted. 20' feet. He climbed the wall, made it to the top, much easier might I add, and went over and over again, all by his lonesome.

He had a great time and after a week of being cooped up in the house, this was exactly what we needed to burn some energy. I'm thinking we'll have to do this one again.

Over the Rainbow

The view outside my window right now

(Lisa, it's a beautiful rainbow, I wish you could see it. Sorry)

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It has been raining cats and dogs the last two days. It really isn't that big of a deal, we need the rain. Today, we left the gym and the clouds hovered overhead threatening gloomily...but we still had time. We ran into the market to pick up some parsley for tonight's dinner. Five minutes later we exited the market to a complete down pour. Leo jumped in every puddle on our way to the car. He was soaking through and through by the time we reached the car.

We ate our lunch, and he played a little bit before it was time for a nap. Just as it was time to go down, it began to thunder and lightening. The Ontario Airport is about 4 miles away, we constantly have airplanes flying over us that are low which apparently sound like thunder. When the first flash of lightening lit up the room, I thought, "uh-oh, I hope he doesn't get scared". The thunder followed with crash and I held my breath. I was afraid he would be too frightened to sleep. Nope! He just said, "Mom, avion" (which in English means, 'Mom, airplane')

I agreed and that was answer enough for him, and he slept through quite the storm. Thank goodness.

Leo's Baby

Lately, everything has been "That's Leo's" or "that's Mommy's" or "Daddy's" or "yours". Today, I joked with Leo that his Build-a-Bear doll was Mommy's baby. He found it funny when I cuddled him and told him to whisper because the baby was sleeping.

Well, Leo took his nap and we went on with our day. I went to the restroom and I emerged only to find Leo diapering the baby on the kitchen floor.

It's hard to see from this picture, but I caught him with the doll and the diaper.

"No, Daddy's upstairs"

This time of year is really busy and stressful for Leonard. He has his year end close and tons of audits and planning of some sort to be done all in a very short 3 week time span. He's been sick and working a lot of hours. This weekend he has been working at home almost non-stop.

Last week, we had Leonard's winter shut down and he was home on "vacation" with us playing non-stop. Well Leonard is Leo's best friend. He absolutely adores his Daddy.

Last night, while Leonard worked, we played and played while I tried to keep him out of Daddy's hair. I had used all of my tricks to distract him and he was still asking, "Mommy where's Daddy?" I knew it was just a matter of time. It finally all boiled down to this,

Leo: "Mommy, Where's Daddy?"
Me: "He's not here"
Leo: "Mommy, where's my Daddy?"
Me: "He's not here, he's at work"
Leo (with one little finger raised): "No! He's upstairs"

Upon which he immediately turned and darted for the stairs yelling for his Daddy. He was fast. I caught up to him when he was already half way up the stairs. Daddy then had to take a 15 minute break before returning to work.

Remind me again, why I was so concerned about his speech?

My Boys

I just thought this was so cute.

Tattoo Update

So I went for yet another treatment for my tattoo's. Leo is getting to such a curious age, that this time as we prepped me (I have to put on a numbing cream, cover them with saran wrap and tape them with medical tape) he was very curious and of course by the time we left the house, Leo too had on numbing cream and tape. For some reason the saran wrap weirded him out and he wanted nothing to do with it.

When we arrived at the doctor's office, Leo announced "Mommy's doctor". We laughed because he was right, but when I came out of treatment, he knew Mommy had a "coco" which in Spanish means an "owie"


Growing up my Mom always sang this little song anytime we were hurt, which I, in turn sing to Leo each time he gets hurt as well. It goes, "Sana, sana, colita de arana, si no sana hoy, sana manana". Which roughly translated it means, "get well, get well, tail of a frog, if you don't get well today, you'll be well tomorrow"

So of course, Leo comes up to me, rubs my side and sings "sana, sana...all better Mom" It was so sweet, because I was definitely not feeling my best and he knew that and he tried to help me. My boy...