Each day that passes, I realize I am closer and closer to the arrival of our next little guy. However, lately, as each day passes I feel a sense of growing sadness. I watch LL and I realize our days are numbered. I recognize more and more how special our time is. I am so lucky to be able to be home with him, to be the one who on a daily basis gets to interact with him, to teach him. I also realize that everything is going to change soon.
I will no longer get to have "good" days when he and I are both in great moods and are able to have just special one on one time with no disturbances or outside distractions. When I'm rested and feeling good, I enjoy our days so much. We play and we read, we do all these things that make me feel like I am doing good for him and making the difference in his world by spending that time with him. It just is making me sad to know things are changing. I am not going to say that I won't still be able to make a difference for him and I realize things will still be special with another life added to our family. All I am saying is that it will be different.
I know how special my siblings are to me, and I know the new baby will eventually be the same for him. But as I watched my boy eating his healthy lunch today as he looked at the birds outside the window, I was just filled with a sense of joy and gratitude for the the little things...like feeding him good healthy meals. I am so grateful for the moments that are mine and mine alone with him. I realize all this apprehension and sadness is just the element of the unknown, and a by product of all the stress I am under lately. This too will pass, but I wouldn't mind if time just slowed down for a while...
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3 comments:
That's a really beautiful sentiment. I hope the next few weeks bring you all the good days you desire.
You really, really pen beautifully. I feel the SPIRIT & get so moved, in so many of your writings. I could actually see LL reading this post when he is older & cherishing the thoughts that came from his Mom for him. So BEAUTIFUL!
I've had a lot of friends who have felt the same way as Baby #2 approaches. I remember feeling that a bit, but by the end I wanted Aaron out so bad I just didn't CARE :) But I'll say that I think I love Jonathan even more now, seeing what a good big brother he is. It's really brought out his sweetness.
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