As long as he's healthy....

Two weeks ago, we had a week from hell. First our dog Memphis suffered a stroke. After $300 in Vet's bills we were told she's fine, and she'd make a full recovery. She has since made said recovery and regained the use and sight in her eye again. Then two days after that, we were told they found some complications with our ultrasound and placed the pregnancy in the high risk category and we had to wait for an appointment with the specialist for further information. The week just went down hill from there. That wasn't everything we dealt with that week but after hearing news like that, nothing else mattered.

Luckily, today we had our appointment with the specialist and everything is fine. I am so relieved and so glad that everything is fine. But for two weeks you listen to other ladies gush about their pregnancies or babies who are all healthy and while you are truly happy for them you can't help but hear the worry and grief that calls out from the back of your mind. We had a birthday party for our dear friends son's first birthday and all their families kept asking us how our own pregnancy was and you smile and say all is well while choking on the lies you know you are giving them and they all respond the same, 'as long as the baby's healthy that's all that matters'.

It's true. That is all that matters. It's so easy and so often taken for granted the miracle and beauty that is life, the miracle being created inside your womb. So while life kept throwing more ugliness at us these last two weeks, we realized none of it matters as long as he's healthy and now that we know he will be life is beautiful again.

We had The Hulk for dinner, and we loved it!

Tonight, The Hulk came over for dinner. I will gladly host him any night of the week. Why? Because he eats his dinner.

LL has become such a finicky eater that even my "old reliables" aren't even working half the time anymore. He used to love apples, bananas, rice and beans, tortillas, of course yogurt, and chicken. Chicken nuggets used to attract full second servings. But generally, he was an OK eater. He would always eat at least half of his meal.

These days however, he won't touch apples, even when I put peanut butter on them. He'll eat maybe 3 bites of a banana, if I make rice and beans, he'll eat just the rice but leave the beans. Even still, I have to put sour cream in his rice now for him to dive in. He won't be bothered with sandwiches, forget about putting a chicken nugget in front of him (if they're homemade that is) unless it comes from Carl's Jr. He'll eat pizza, crackers and of course lollipops...junk. He does like pupusas, and will eat maybe a half of one, but those are bought at a nearby restaurant and I just don't want him eating out so much. He does like cold cereal and will eat a full bowl in the morning, but if I make him eggs for breakfast he simply says, "no gracias, mommy". Cold cereal is fine to eat but if it's one of his sole sources of nutrition, I've got a problem with it.

Recently, on our trip to Utah, Aunt Peggy was helping LL with his sandwich in the back seat and I noticed her success when she invited him to take dinosaur bites. I implored the same tactics tonight. LL was pretending he was The Hulk so I asked The Hulk to take a few bites and show how big they were. He ate! He ate chicken, rice, Lima beans, corn and sweet potato's! I am thrilled. He ate a nutritious dinner! I'm so relieved, and I'm looking forward to using more of this technique.

Thanks Aunt Peggy!

Yakity-Yak

He never stops talking! Oh my goodness. I used to be so worried he was delayed but now that he's talking - he never stops. It's exhausting sometimes, hearing "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." all day long or "watch me", "what's this name?", "is that funny?" or "I want to do it by myself" Aaah.

I relish the hours between 8 PM (bedtime) and 7AM. The house is quiet, and my brain can rest. I'm usually so mentally depleted by that time. Come the morning however, the eyes and the mouth literally open together at the same time. Yes he has speech problems and I'm usually the only one that understands him but he speaks, a lot, and he needs to be listened to and responded to and right now, I'm tired.

Is it Friday yet?

Some weeks are just harder than others. This has been one of those weeks. It's just life happening, but as it happens though, you start to question your own inner strength. I like to tell myself I have a lot of inner strength, that I've managed to over come many things in this life. The reality is, I've overcome things that I have gotten myself into. When things just happen because that is the way life is, I have very little experience. If it's a mess I've made, I can become very determined to correct it; the path before me is simple.

With the other things that arise in life, I find myself feeling very inadequate. I'm not the strong woman I think I am, I'm scared and nervous and the only thing I can truly rely on is my unwavering faith in God. He has never let me down. I'll be glad when this week is over. Trials are a part of life, this I know. I'm not alone in my trials, I've got my incredible husband to hold my hand and through this life, together we travel. Life sometimes, just has a way of bringing us both to our knees. Nothing is life shattering or world altering and all things eventually pass. Thank goodness!

It's a boy!

Today was our ultrasound. I fell in love again in the flash of a single heartbeat. He is just so beautiful. He was scratching his head and kicking all over the place. The technician said he is weighing in at 11 oz., according to literature, babies at this gestational age should weigh about 8.5 oz. So apparently, this baby is right on track to being a big boy just like his brother. I just grow them BIG. I wanted a boy and my poor husband wanted a girl. So when the technician showed us the stuff, I yelled out, "It's a boy!" and Leonard tells me 'Is that all you know how to make woman?' It was obvious his disappointment and it took him about 15 seconds to jump on board and get excited. We had said on the drive it didn't matter the sex of the baby, I must say, my husband was true to his word.

What is surprising to me though, is that, there is a twinge of disappointment. I realize I will never have the girl, and while I wasn't ready for her, to know I will never have her, makes me realize maybe I really did want one.

Regardless though, I am extremely happy with my family. For whatever reason I am supposed to raise men and I am truly happy with that task and ready for the challenge. I think in the long run, LL will be so much happier with a brother. Now I just have to prepare him. He has been doing so well, I would hate for anything to upset his recent strides.

Earlier this week, I was told I had a fake family because I only had one child and I had my nails done and my hair cut and make up on, as if being a mother should make those things impossible. That comment disturbed me, but I have now concluded that is bologna because my worries and concerns for my "one" child are no different than they would be if I had 12 children. I realize I am changing LL's world, that quickly he will feel the pain of no longer being the only one. I worry how he will adjust and I worry he will feel rejected. My husband and I really are so very blessed to have our children and we are a real family. Even if we only ever had Leo we would still be a real family. Our love is real, our commitment to one another is real and our struggles to raise a child who will not only be successful professionally but personally is the same as well.