Rock Band

I've got to get this kid in lessons!

Merry Christmas

The Name of the Game

Throughout the day, I randomly repeat the alphabet and count numbers up to 10 hoping that something will sink in to that beautiful little sponge I call Little Leo. As we sit in the doctor's office, we count chairs. When we are walking the dogs, we sing the alphabet. We count trucks on the freeway or as we climb the stairs. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Half the time, I don't think he is even paying attention. Then, today, as the Doctor was trying to get him to repeat "See you later" she was saying "you" waiting for a response, and Leo says "T". So he had it backward, I was still so happy and proud and ever so encouraging!

Then, as if to reinforce the message that he hears me, when we climbed the stairs on our way to nap time, he counted the steps BY HIMSELF up to 10, only mixing up the number 8! So half the numbers were in Spanish and half were in English...I couldn't have cared less - they were in the right order at least.

So, today, if nothing else I learned that my efforts are not wasted, he is listening and learning and repetition is the name of the game.

10

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the best day ever, and 10 being my worst nightmare -- today would fall at about a 10. Last week, Leo learned how to turn doorknobs. I was filled with dread, but nothing came of it. A few days past but the only knob he's turned was to the hallway closet, I could totally live with that.

Today, I put Leo down for a nap, I hop in the shower, Leonard is going to be home soon and I need to be ready. I hear a rustle, and assume Leonard's gotten home earlier than I expected.

Next thing I know, Leo runs up to the shower door and says, "No night-night today". I wait, still expecting Leonard to come walking up. I wait. I wait. I call out. Clarity. Leonard has climbed out of his crib. Leonard has opened his bedroom door. Leonard has opened my bedroom door. Panic.

I am dreading tomorrow. I hope the decision to skip his nap was a fluke. Worst still, I worry I won't be able to keep him in his crib anymore. I'm not ready for a big boy bed.

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Snowman

The Dark Side

This year, I did the unthinkable. I crossed over to the dark side, and bought....a fake Christmas tree...gasp! I swore I would always have a live tree in my house. I love the smell. The last 2 years however, our trees have died so early that by the time Christmas actually rolled around we were afraid to even turn on the lights because the tree was just so dry.

I contemplated making the switch last year, but just couldn't get myself to do it. Finally this year, we decided to "go green". I first thought, I'll buy the tree during the after Christmas sales, but then figured after spending the $80 on a tree and still buying a fake one later, the cost would end up the same. So we did it.

It turned out to be quite the hit. I have to admit it is pretty with all the lights - we got a pre-lit tree. It was nice not having to wrap the darn tree with lights, and I always think I should have put more, but not this time. Although having to separate each little branch was a pain in the butt. I could do without that part.

Leo LOVED the box that the tree came in and 3 days later we still can't get him out of it.

-

My Favorite Thing

My favorite thing in the house is my bed. I have always loved to sleep. Now, since having Leo, I don't get to do too much of that. That just makes me love it even more. I love being able to cozy up, in the winter time especially, read a book, watch some TV. I love my bed.


In the mornings, I wish I could just meld myself into the very surface of the bed, not having to get out of the warmth of the covers and in the summer, there's nothing better than waking up and finding a cool spot on the sheets and pillows. Ooooooooooohh yeah.

I think I'm going to bed.

I goofed...

Leo's new thing this week = coloring

He loves to color. He colors many times a day. This morning I was at my computer syncing my ipod so that we could leave to the gym while Leo colored on the couch. He comes walking up to me slowly and says, "Mommy"

I look down and he has a crayon shoved up his nose dangling there. I laughed. My big mistake. It took me so by surprise that I couldn't help the laughter but now he thinks that's funny and keeps shoving his crayon up there.

That's just gross.

Our Holiday

We had a great weekend. Lots of family and food and fun. Thursday we went to my in-laws and celebrated with Leonard's family. We brought Leo's pajamas and stayed late. It was a great night.

Friday, we gathered together with my family and did Thanksgiving take 2. It was so much fun. My niece we don't see too often was here from D. C. and my other niece was home from school, with her newly pregnant belly in full show. I loved it.

Now, I've got to get ready for Christmas....ugh.

Thanksgiving

I know it's not the best thing to do, but hey, this is what the holidays are all about!

This year I am most grateful for my husband. Without him, I would have nothing else.

My Birthday

So my husband did the sweetest thing for me for my birthday. I have been wanting an iphone for quite sometime and every time I mention it, Leonard tells me, "That is too much phone. You don't need all of that." I would say, "Yes, but does it matter? I still want it".

Last night he says, "Hey you want to run an errand with me?"

He told me we were going to the UPS store to pick up a package his Uncle sent his Dad. I completely believed him. I was totally confused when we arrived at the wireless store and in disbelief as he said, "We're here to get your iphone, happy birthday"

It's ridiculous and extravagant, but I love it. I am soooooooooooooooooo spoiled.

I love you Buggie!

Tractor Tipping

As I have mentioned before, Leo is really into the movie "Cars" right now. We watch it everyday, sometimes twice. In one part of the movie, Lightning McQueen and his BFF Mater the Tow Truck go "tractor tipping". It's the movies version of cow-tipping.

Leonard and I are sitting here side-by-side, both on our laptops, while Leo watches the movie, yet again. When that scene passes, Leonard makes the comment, "Did you know that in Riverside County that is still considered a felony?"

My response: "What? Tractor tipping?"

WTHeck? What is wrong with me? Tractor tipping!

"Can you say....?"

Leo is beginning to just repeat everything. His vocabulary is continuously expanding. I included this video to document some of the things I think are the cutest. My absolute favorite thing he says now is, "Woody"...as in Sherriff Woody from Toy Story. It is so cute. Leonard's favorite thing he says is "luzes" which in Spanish means "lights".

Kid #2

Last night, I walked into the house to find this...

My husband said they were playing "Disneyland". Sometimes I feel as though I've got 2 kids. I don't mean this in a bad way, I actually find it so endearing.

My son has a GREAT Dad!

Negligent

I've been negligent. I know. I haven't blogged all the month of November and it's half over already. I've been so busy doing nothing I just haven't had time. Seriously. So a recap of what we've been doing.

I had Enrichment at the beginning of the month. I think it was a success. I had a lot of fun preparing for it, and the evening itself was just a lot of fun. The ladies on my committee put in a lot of work and for that, I am so grateful.

We also did The Aquarium of the Pacific. I was done with it in 2 hours, and wouldn't be missing anything if I didn't go back for another 10 years, but my little guy really enjoyed himself, including the part where I lost him. I on the other hand, felt as though it was the longest 2 minutes of my life and my legs were jelly afterward.

Lastly, we've been at Disneyland. We practically live there these days, at least that's what my girlfriend says. Each time she has called me lately, we've been at Disneyland. Last Friday we went for the first day of their Christmas festivities. I always love Disneyland, but I especially love it at Christmas time. Leo loved it too. It brought tears to my eyes to watch him get so excited about Christmas. We stayed for the fireworks show and the snow on Main Street. It was past Leo's bedtime, so I did the unthinkable...I gave him a binky just to get us through the waiting around before the show. But he came alive when it began snowing. Every day I fall in love him over and over again.

Wedding & Halloween Pic's

I realized this morning that I failed to post pictures of Friday's wedding and Saturday's Halloween pictures. As some of you already know, Leonard was the best man in his friend's wedding on Friday. Daniel was actually Leonard's best man at our wedding too. My son, Leo was the ring bearer. For the last year I have worried about this decision. I just knew that it was a bad idea. After all, he's only 2 years old, and just barely 2 years old. Well needless to say, I was right. It is never a good idea to have someone so young do anything of mild importance in a wedding. We were lucky he took pictures, because that is ALL he did. The second he found me in the crowd he began yelling "MOM" (as the Bride may her procession), eventually wriggling his way out of Dad's grasps and barreled down to me. Half way through the wedding he decided he wanted to go back up with Dad, luckily, I stopped him before he made it to the stage. Oh well...at least he looked cute.
Saturday, for Halloween was better. He was the CUTEST pirate I ever saw. Of course, I know, I am biased. This was his first year Trick-or-Treating. He had lots of fun, and I think we finally got our "Thank you" down pat. We did the church Trunk-or-Treat, then we did our street and Leonard took him over to his Aunt's house and they did a street there too. He had too much candy. I weeded out the good stuff and sent it with Leonard to work so as to avoid temptation.
Well Halloween was tons of fun, I don't know who enjoyed it more, him or me! Christmas is going to be so much fun this year! I can't wait.

WebCam Fun

One of Leo's favorite things to do is play with the WebCam on the computer. We sit here and take lots of pictures. He loves it and we just laugh and laugh. Here are just a few.

Best Friends

Dakota has always loved Little Leonard, even since before he was born. Yes, as a general rule she is terrified whenever he handles her, but she loves him and follows him everywhere. This afternoon as Leo played outside while I made dinner, I peaked out the window to make sure he wasn't getting into too much mischief.

What do I see? Leo is feeding Dakota kibble from his hand. It was so sweet. It also shows how much more comfortable Dakota is with Leo. He tries to be gentle with her, but he's 2. Leonard (my husband) has often said that Leo has one setting, "bowling ball". I think we're making strides.

Ka-Chow

Leo's big thing right now is the movie "Cars". We watch it at least twice a day (don't judge me), everyday. This is a new thing for him. Yeah, he loved his Wiggles, but he wouldn't actually sit and watch so much as dance around and play with his trucks while it played in the background. This is new, he actually sits and watches now.

Side Note: His other love right now, is outside. He LOVES to ride his bike.

Back to "Cars" though, in the movie, Lightening McQueen, the main character, always says "Ka-Chow". Well wouldn't ya know? Leo is now running around the house saying "ka-chow" and the he makes zooming sounds as he runs off.

When there's thunder there must be lightening

Last night we had Leonard's cousins Halloween party. Adults only, costumes required. There is a costume contest and prize money at stake. I take costume competitions seriously, and half the fun is making them.

Leonard went as a bolt of lightening

and I was his victim.

I thought we had a good shot at the competition, and then my SIL showed up....

as OctoMom.

It was hilarious and we had a great time. BTW, my SIL swept the competition.

Lucky #7

I have debated whether or not to write this post. I finally decided however, this is something I'm really very proud of. Seven years ago today, I took hold of my life and finally got sober. I was in the deepest, darkest and most loneliest valleys of my life. I was fed up and I took control.

When I would meet old friends they would often ask me, "Liz, what happened to you?" They didn't mean it in a good way. I was bitter, I was angry, and I was mean. I was hardened through and through.

Now, people ask me the same question, and they do mean it in a good way. They've noticed my transformation. I am softened and caring again. I have hope and faith.

Coming this far hasn't been easy. I still struggle with my demons. I would be lying if I said I didn't. But I am more confident than ever before. I am finally comfortable this way. It took me so long to be at ease in social situations I just didn't know how to act. Over the years though, it has gotten better and I can finally say I am comfortable in my own skin.

Here's to another 7!

Uh-oh

Mommy is not ready for this.

Goals

I am having the hardest time getting back into my walking routine, so I thought I would state my goals here as a way of taking ownership. I go to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday for full 2-hour workouts, Tuesday's I go in the morning for a 1-1.5 hour workout. I am committing myself to walking on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday's at a minimum. Of course I can/plan on peppering my week with mini-walks to tame Memphis' wild side. This way, I will have some physical activity 6 days of the week.

Tuesday's as you may recall I child swap with my SIL and Wednesday morning's Leo has My Gym (Saturday's too but that is with Dad). Monday's we have Park Days with the girls from Church which I plan to start attending regularly now that that is resuming. Thursday's and Friday's we don't have much going on and I need to come up with something more constructive for Leo. Of course I often stop at the playground on the last leg of our walk, so that could fill up our Thursday and Friday's too.

Oh well, that is my new goal/plans for our weekly schedule. I'll keep you updated from time to time on how it's going.

Dancing Fools

This is what my husband and son do together.

Leonard calls it "quality time"

I'm Proud

I am so proud of my little guy. He is a praying fool. I mean that in the best way possible. He loves to pray. He even reminds me to pray when I forget. Tonight we were getting ready for bed, and I was walking him to his room, and he put his little hands up in question style and said, "prayer?" I had stop, call Daddy away from the laptop and say our family prayer. It is only cuter because of course he has to say his own prayer and he says "Amen" loud and proud.

I may not do everything right, as a parent, I make lots of mistakes, but at least I know in this, I am doing ok.

Ouch!

The first day is always the hardest...that at least, is what I'm telling myself. Today I started walking again. I had stopped walking in June because it was too hot for both me and the dogs. The dogs have pug like snouts and therefore are unable to get air in properly through their noses to cool them off efficiently. So when it becomes too hot, fat girl Dakota especially over-heats.

Since the weather has finally cooled down and I have gained 3 pounds I figured it was time to get back to it. I was dying. I thought it was going to kill me. Late last week I started running again at the gym, I was shocked how my endurance had faded. Today, it only proved further how bad I need to get back to it. So I've been running again and last night I worked out my legs at the gym, coupled with my first day walking and my legs are screaming.

I am a mess right now, and it doesn't feel good like it normally does. I am quite frustrated. While my heart is healthy and strong from doing intense cardio on the Step Mill machines at the gym (the step mill is like a rotating stair case that goes around and around and you've gotta keep going and keep up) my endurance is shot. I've slacked off and I've got to get back down to work.

The 3 pounds I've gained may not seem like a lot, but with my PCOS every pound matters. Especially now when we are trying to get pregnant again. So I have recommitted myself and feel as though I am back on track.

"Otro Agua Hot"

That was Leo's first real sentence spoken tonight in the shower. I am so proud of him. "Otro" means "another", "agua" of course, means "water" and "hot" is "hot". I had just poured water over his head to rinse the shampoo from his head, he laughed, looked up at me and said the cutest first sentence I've ever heard. Now, if I could have only gotten him to say "please" it would have been perfect.

Granted Leo has told me things before by saying something along the lines of "No Mom, my (insert person of choice here)" It's usually Dad or Abuela...but this was different. This was a real sentence, he really communicated something to me and it was not something that made me want to grit my teeth together.

Aaah, my boy. He's so cute.

My Network

The older Leo gets, the more I realize how blessed we are. We have an amazing family and a great group of friends. I feel especially blessed in all the people who make up our family. I take it for granted that Leo has so many Aunt's and Uncle's. Not just that, I take it for granted how much each of them care for him. Each one really CARES what is happening in his life and CARES about his developments and strides.

I have a large network of helpers. I've got my Mom, my In-laws, my sisters, my SILs, and my nieces all available to babysit. Someone recently asked me how I hire babysitters...I had to laugh because I don't hire "babysitters". Not in the sense they mean anyway. Yeah, I hire my nieces but I still am blessed to be able to leave him with family and I have never had to look outside of that to a service of any kind to take care of Leo whenever I can't. However, on the flip side, I also know that if I had to look outside of my family I have a great network of friends that I could call and feel comfortable leaving my child with them. People with like standards and beliefs and home situations.

Currently, my SIL and I are kid swapping. I drop Leo off on Tuesday mornings at her house, then I bring my nephew back with me while she works in my niece's class. She then comes and picks him up from my house when she's done. It's nice, I get to workout or do whatever I want while knowing my son is having a great time with his Aunt and cousin and in return she gets the same thing.

I realize not every one has this kind of family network and I am immensely blessed. I am so grateful for each and every member of my family and look forward to their continued blessings in my life.

The Numbers

5 years ago - Leonard and I were married

5 years ago - Leonard and I bought a 5 disc DVD/CD changer

2 years ago - we had Leo

2 weeks ago - Leo played quietly upstairs nicely without any adult supervision. Leonard and I thought, "hey, we are reaching a new point...we kinda like this."

Today we took apart the DVD player to find what he shoved in there because it no longer works.

We found:

10 DVD's shoved into our 5 disc changer

2x the amount it's meant to hold

all done by our 2 year old.

Leo is no longer allowed to play without adult supervision

Perspective

Today Leonard and I had a funeral to attend. We both found it to be rather difficult and we both have been reflecting on it all day long. The funeral was for my brother-in-law's best friend. They have been friends since they were in first grade! Not just friends, but really more like brothers. In high school, his friend's home life fell apart and even came to live with my BIL and his family. They were roommates after college, the best man in each other's weddings and for the last 5 years worked together.

Just before Christmas 2007, his friend started having strange tingling sensations and began noticing a loss of strength on one side of his body. In January 2008, he was diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease. It is a deterioration of the nervous system and a hardening of the spinal cord. Your mind remains in tack and completely cognizant of everything around you, but little by little you lose control over your body. Those suffering from the disease typically survive 1-3 years from time of diagnosis.

The saddest part of this whole thing, aside from watching the best friend you ever had, and the closest thing you have to a brother slowly wither away and die, is watching what he was leaving behind. He had 3 young boys, ages 10, 6 and 4. It's always hardest watching the ones who are left behind. I used to feel so bad for the one who died, then I lost my Dad and I realized that dying is the easy part, the hard part is picking up the pieces and moving on.

Of course as you sit there and watch his wife console their 4 year old son, you cant help but think what if that were me? What if it were me burying my husband with a young son? That is what struck Leonard and I the hardest today. The thought that someday one of us will bury the other. I don't look forward to that day whether it be 10 or 40 years from now. He is my best friend, my companion, my everything.

All day we both have held each other a little more tenderly, and we've said "I love you" a few times more than the average day but we just can't shake that sense of saddness. Our hearts go out to his family and they will remain in our prayers.

I'm so boring

I have got to be the most boring person ever. I honestly, have no idea why I blog. I have nothing going on and nothing exciting to really tell about. I wish there was more to report but there isn't. Maybe tomorrow....

Although Lisa, you cannot say I stopped blogging because September was my best month in a long time.

Wow.

Can I just say "Wow"? I just got a phone call from Leo's pediatrician...not her office, not her assistant, from her. She called personally to make sure he is doing okay from all the shots yesterday. I explained to her my concerns about giving Leo the DPT shot because of a family history of reactions to it. We spoke about this at his first visit with her months ago.

I am just so impressed by her. She is such a good doctor. I am so grateful to have a doctor who cares about him. So again, I say "wow"

Pin Cushion

As Leo was a baby going through getting all his vaccinations, I opted not to get quite a few of them. I was picky, and selective about what I allowed to be put into my baby's body. I had some very personal reasons for my decision. I took a lot of grief over this decision and even changed Pediatricians over it.

I always said, I wasn't saying I would never vaccinate him, I was only saying not right now. I did a lot of reading on the subject and found that there is evidence that shows waiting until at least 2 years of age to vaccinate significantly lowers the risk of Autism and SIDS.

Today, was Leo's 2 year check up and because I was finally willing to vaccinate him...they did. Oh, my poor baby. It broke my heart. They stuck him so many times. He received 5 vaccines today and still needs to go back in 6 weeks for the ones that are remaining. He did very well though, and only cried at the last 2 shots. We did a blood check, his TB testing, MMR, DPaT, Hep A and a booster shot for Hep B and a flu shot.

I sat there wondering how could all these shots be any better for him then having had them spread out over the course of the past 2 years. It is too late to second guess my decision, I only hope I made the right one. I hate seeing him being pricked that way. He's my baby, and not a pin cushion.

Disney-Mania

Irene gave Leo a book containing 4 Disney stories -- Toy Story, Lion King, Little Mermaid and Aladdin. That's all it took. Move over Wiggles, Mickey is in the house. While I was pregnant I started buying the Disney DVD's as they have been released to build our collection. Inside them come these little pamphlets with ads for other Disney movies and memorabilia, Leo thinks they are books. He sits and reads them over and over (one pamphlet got us through a whole hour of church today).

He has learned the Disney logo and every time he sees it anywhere, he yells out "Disney" and will repeat it until I acknowledge that yes, it is in fact, Disney. Being that he is so crazy for Disney, we decided to have a Mickey birthday cake and Daddy bought Leo a Mickey Mouse balloon. But on the day of his actual birthday, we took him for his first ever visit to Disneyland. We stopped by City Hall and got a Birthday pin and a "First Visit" pin -- thanks to Erin for that bit of information. We did so much though, and had a fun filled, full day. We did the Tiki Room, and the Jungle Cruise, and Pirates of the Caribbean, the Winnie the Pooh ride, Autopia, Dumbo, It's a Small World, Toon Town, face painting, and the Merry Go Round.

Leo loved every moment of our day. We sat in the front row of the boat on Pirates and he did not even get scared for a moment. Not from the drop, not from the dark, nothing. He was a little intimidated by the characters at first, but by the end of the day he gave Mickey a hug.
I don't know who enjoyed the day more, him or me. I am a HUGE Disney freak myself, but going to Disneyland with your child is such a different experience. I got to see and do everything I loved, and at the same time watch the magic of Disney through my sons eyes. He fell asleep on our way out and didn't budge until we had gotten home and the first thing out of his mouth when he did wake up was him asking to go back to "Disney".

Happy Birthday To My Baby Boy

Two years ago today, my life changed forever. Two years ago today, God gave me the most beautiful little baby I had ever seen --my son. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I just didn't know how much it would change me. In these last two years, I, as a person, have grown. I am more patient, less selfish, and more committed to making a life of meaning. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but I want to give him the best possible life that I can and everyday I strive for that.

Everyday I am still amazed at how you can love someone so much. It really all makes sense though, because before Leonard, I had my nieces and nephews. They for 25 years before him, were my life and so often, I see them in my own son. I see them in his mannerisms, I see them in the faces he makes, I see them when I see pictures of him. It is from my nieces and nephews that I learned how to love someone besides myself and to love someone so unconditionally.

They are the ones who have prepared me for my calling in life. So on this day, when I thank my Father in Heaven for my son, I also thank Him for each one of them too. I thank the Lord for my husband, my partner on this beautiful journey. For it is a beautiful journey.

At this, his second birthday...Leonard is fearless. Leonard is brave. Leonard is stubborn. Leonard is loving. Leonard is smart. Leonard is learning 2 languages. Leonard is speaking in 2 languages. Leonard is the center of our lives.

Happy 2nd Birthday son, I love you.

It's not a party

Saturday is Leo's birthday. Most of you know how I feel about parties -- I think that for us with our family situation parties are a waste of time, effort and money for any child under the age of at least 4. I figure if I am going to exert so much effort into coordinating a party, I want my child to be able to at least understand what the heck all the hoop-la is about. I don't want to throw a party for other people's kids...no offense, I mean, I am happy to have children come celebrate with us, but when my kid won't even get to enjoy it, I see no point. So for Leo's birthday, we've decided a trip to Disneyland would be much better. He's very into Disney right now, and I think he will enjoy it so much more.

Leonard's sister, loves to throw parties. She thinks it is awful of me not to give him a party. What we've also decided to do is to get together Friday night for some birthday cake with our families. Now keep in mind, that just our 2 families together (and only the ones who live locally) is 35 people. That does not include friends or even all of our families. But in his sister's mind, 35 people is a "party" and is insisting on a pinata or something more.

How do I explain to her, that I just don't want any of that? We don't have any where to do a pinata in the first place. We are not opening gifts, I've actually requested no gifts be brought, although, I know Leonard's family will bring them anyway. It's not dinner, it's cake and ice cream. No party games -- just cake and ice cream and a few appetizers. I finally had to tell her, that parties is what she does for her kids, that she is the one who enjoys the big production, and that is all good and fine for her kids, but for our family we do things differently, we do low key and laid back.

Part of my reason also for not wanting a "party" is because to me, a party is something you get to invite the whole family to, you invite friends, and you do all the party games and of course the pinata. But understand, that between our 2 families we are talking almost 120 people! That doesn't include our friends or even Leo's friends.

Leonard and I enjoy things in a much more intimate setting. That's how we like to do things, am I wrong? I don't feel I should have to do something to impress somebody -- I do not feel the need to keep up with anyone. I hate that I have to explain myself. I am almost tempted to call the whole thing off and just go to Disneyland as we originally planned.

Fun with Dad

Since Leo was a baby Leonard has been waiting for this age. An age where Leo is big enough to play rough, but still small enough to be impressed by the little things. Just after Leo's birthday last year, Leonard bought a small battery operated helicopter. He was so excited to show Leo and play with it together. Well Leo was just too small then, and completely freaked out when ever Leonard brought it out. So regretfully he put it away and waited patiently until the time was right.

Today the time was right...Here's a video of the two of them playing together.

My Basque Experience

This past weekend was the 42nd Annual Basque Festival and Picnic here in Chino. I've been wanting to go for the past few years we've just never made our way over. This year, we marked it on the calendar way in advance and made it out to see the festivities.

It was really a neat experience. I learned so much about the origins of much of my heritage, and exposed my husband to what we may ultimately discover is his as well. That still remains to be seen, but it did spark his own interest in his Spanish roots.

I did notice first off, how much they like to drink - everything revolved around the bar. They even made an announcement before the dancing started to go hit up the bar...it was hilarious. Secondly, I noticed how dominant their features are. I could definitely see my Dad in much of the men there. I also noticed the Basque influence on the Uruguayan culture on such things as the Beret that Dad and many Uruguayos wear, and the Gauchos traditional clothes is influenced by the Basque as well. It was just eye opening.

I have attached some videos that I took while their and added some pictures mostly for Anita, but you are all welcome to enjoy.

What the...!?!

So last night Leonard decided a good family outing would be to go to the Dodger game. It was last minute, but Dodger games are always a favorite of ours. Making it especially fun, was there was a fireworks show after the game. Little Leo always enjoys it and he just loves being out there in the stadium.

As everyone knows, my husband is a die-hard Dodger fan. So much so, that my not even 2-years old son associates anything baseball with the Dodgers and although his speech is limited does know how to say, "Go Dodgers!" So yesterday, when we started getting ready to leave for the stadium and we pulled out our jerseys he became out of his mind excited.

Again, as most of you know, my not even 2-years old son loves girls. He is a shameless flirt and knows how to ham it up. I personally think that's part of his attraction to Dodger stadium. I think he likes to people watch and there are so many girls there available for flirting. With that being said, as we arrived at our seats we were surprised and shocked to see some of Leonard's cousins (both teenage girls, ages 15 and 14) sitting 2 rows behind us.

As the game progressed Leo is playing with his cousins, and in between us and them, though, is another row of teenage girls so he is really having a great time. At one point, Leonard's cousins start take pictures of Little Leo. Leo loves having his picture taken, and loves to ham it up for the camera. So as this is going on, I am paying little attention until I hear one of the girls from 2 rows behind us say, "Are you taking pictures of him?" in such an accusatory tone that it begged my attention.

I turn to find the girl directly behind me (who are perfect and complete strangers) taking pictures of my kid on her cell phone! What the...!?!

Who does this? Who takes pictures of some strangers baby...WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION? I was at a total and complete loss at what to do. The old Liz would have and desperately wanted to grab the phone from the girls hand, delete the pictures and give her a piece of my mind...but the new, mature and more controlled Liz just laughed it off and made a joke about seeing these pictures on the Internet. I didn't know what to do. I was totally shocked. I know it's probably not a big deal, but I don't know, I just don't like the idea that some strange girl in the LA area has pictures of my kid, whom she doesn't even know his name or us hers, on her cell phone. I had to laugh because one of Leonard's cousins friends basically told the girl everything the old Liz so desperately wanted to say. It gave me personal and private satisfaction that at least somebody was trying to shame her into place.

Seriously though, who does that?

I am so ashamed

It's awful, and I am ashamed to admit this but I really like this new video from The Wiggles. A few of their songs are just lodged in my brain, but more than that, on the video there are a few skits that are just really catchy and I actually like watching them. I am so embarrassed but I am Bananas for The Wiggles Go Bananas!


This is my favorite...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPnRxjrU8G0

We've finally made it!

Hallelujah! After 6 months of tears, tantrums, and despair Leo has finally made his transition into nursery. Whew...it was a task but as Little Leo would say, "I did it!" I finally realized there was not going to be any easy way about it. We traveled so much this summer that every time we came home we would have to start all over from scratch. I finally decided to cancel some weekend trips and make a concerted effort to be there every weekend until we finally made some headway. I also subscribed to the philosophy of tough love. I walked him in, got down onto his level, I calmly explained that Mommy was going to go, but that I would be back for him. Then I would just turn and leave whether he was kicking and screaming or not...which he was always. Upon my return I always told him, 'See Mommy came back'.

I also started doing this at home too. Whenever I would leave, I would try to discreetly sneak out without being noticed as to avoid the dramatics. But Leonard, finally said "No, he's got to get used to it. Let him watch you leave." Each time I come home, I reinforce the 'Mommy came back' sentiment. Yes, he cries when I leave, but he gets over it in a matter of seconds.

Anyway, back to nursery...so I am very happy to report that the last 2 weeks have been great! I thought last Sunday was a fluke and refused to allow myself to believe we finally broke through to the other side. However, after today's success I dare say we've finally made it. Leo was playing and singing and ate snack having a great time. I am really very happy for him.

Hopefully the next kid won't give me so much trouble or be so dang stubborn.

Skype

Okay, Skype is nothing new, but it's new to me. I know I must sound like a big goober because I did not get it until yesterday. It was all just so exciting. I mean, for heaven sake's my Mom has even had Skype for some time already. I just never saw any need for a webcam. And while my new laptop came with a built in camera, I've never even known how to use it until yesterday. I wasn't making any instruction videos like my girl Iris...which I think is totally cool BTW. I didn't have some kind of love interest on the other side of the world, and although I did have some family using Skype, I lacked to see the benefits of it...until yesterday.

Leonard laughed at me because after my Skype experience I kept saying just how neat and exciting it was. He looked at me like I was a moron. He uses Skype all the time for work. But for me, yesterday was an important day in one of my nephew's lives. Through Skype I was able to be a part of his excitment from 2 states away.

Congratulations Joshua, and thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your day!

Ewwwww!

You know when they re-slick the streets, that awful smell of tar? Well they are repaving the streets outside our house. We have had to park the cars down the street about a block away. As we made our way down to our car this morning Little Leo is so amazed by all the trucks and equipment. I am listening to his repeated "Oooh Wow!" as he is just so excited, when suddenly we are hit in the face by the awful wreaking smell of tar, yuck!

What do I hear from the little man at my side? "Ewwww. It's stinks"

I am beginning to realize more and more just how needless my worries have been. He is beginning to speak so much lately. Every day he just breaks out with a new phrase I had no idea he's been working on.

Sick again...

So after last weeks nasty ear infection and horrible diarrhea we are sick yet again. In the last three weeks, Leo has had horrible, explosive diarrhea for which shampooing the carpets was required on 2 separate occasions, then he threw up in the car including my purse which was at his feet, and now yesterday he started with a high fever which I had little success getting under control.

Back to the doctor's we went...apparently he has Roseola and is still in the contagious stage. Which is fabulous news because my BF from Las Vegas Corrie is here staying with her family. The timing couldn't be any better. Sunday, we have Leonard's annual family picnic which more than likely we will have to miss, and again, we will have to miss church. Just when we were finally making strides in our transition into Nursery. Argh.

I shouldn't really complain though, Leo rarely gets sick like this. He is usually sick a day or two at the most and rebounds quite quickly, so a few weeks of really having to pay the parenting dues shouldn't be such a bad thing...I must be spoiled.

The Darndest Things...

Behind my home is an empty lot. From my bedroom upstairs, I get a bird's eye view of the field. Neighboring the lot is a little farm that has goats, geese, chickens and a few other things. Well, they have begun letting their herd of goats graze on the grass growing on the empty lot.

The first time I saw them, it was from a distance and I couldn't make out what they were, I honestly thought they were a pack of wild dogs. I began to worry about this pack of wild dogs and the dangers for my quiet little neighborhood. Slowly they made their way over to our side of the lot and I was able to see they were goats. Since then, everyday they have gone out onto the field and grazed. Since then, much to my surprise, I have found how much I enjoy watching these goats. Every morning I open my blinds and look out in search of the herd. They are so sweet. I really enjoy them. I guess there is a country girl inside me somewhere, because I find watching these animals graze to be quite the treat.

Lisa, I realize you probably can't see the picture well, I'm sorry, but it's a picture of my goats grazing.

I have more...

Most of the people who read my blog have more kids than I, but I guarantee you I have more poop experience/horrible stories. My kid is the King of the Poop. It is not something I want to be proud of...and while you may have had experiences that are far worse and surpass anything I've had to endure, in sheer quantity--I've got you beat.

Last week Leo was so sick. He had a very bad ear infection coupled with explosive diarrhea that lasted for days. In that time period we had more than a few blow outs and I had to scoop runny, soupy diarrhea off of the floor, throw away bath mats, shampoo carpets and wash everything possible. This morning...I did it all over again. This time I wasn't quite scooping the poop off the floor but I am washing the bedding and shampooing more carpets.

Leonard's parents joke about when he was young, no one threw up more than him. They say he could throw up practically on cue...I think he's passed that gene on to our son, only I got the dirty end of the stick...LITERALLY.

I hate poop, it disgusts me, especially when you have to clean it off of yourself or the walls. It just grosses me out. Sadly, I have to remind myself not to complain because I haven't even begun to potty train yet. My future still holds much more poop. Yuck, yuck and more yuck. I am not looking forward to that.

Why I changed my settings....

Sorry...I know I will probably lose so many of my faithful following (hahaa) but I read something on the Internet about people using the photos and info on your blog to scam people. The most recent is taking family photos of children and using them for an adoption scam. My baby is cute, therefore, I know would draw in lots of interest and I don't want anyone using him to scam a family desperately seeking a child. Their struggles are painful enough.

Jacki warned me of these things long ago, I'm just slow to listen.

My first Enrichment NIght

So last night was Enrichment, it was my first one. I can say this about the experience --it was eye opening. First off, I actually enjoyed it. I didn't know that I would. I learned a few key things last night that I really need to work hard on keeping at the forefront of my mind here on out. I learned that I cannot ask what needs to be done. I am the one in charge I've got to be the one making sure things get done. Secondly, I found how easy it is going to be to serve with these women on my committee.

Next time I will have had more involvement in the preparations and won't feel so awkward...so I hope. The other thing I learned is that I belong there. I realized I've never ever attended Enrichment before because subconsciously I didn't think I was worthy to be there. It sounds so lame to say that but taken my history into account, I was simply unsure of myself. But last night as I sat there listening to the lessons these ladies were giving I found I'm not too far off base and that I'm already doing a lot of what I should and that yes, I do belong there. I've made my way back from a deep dark ditch, but I am no longer that person nor am I still in that deep dark ditch.

So today, instead of being nervous or scared I am anxious and ready to take on my challenge.

Adios Primary!

So after almost 5 years in Primary callings in some form or another...I have been released. I no longer have my Activity Day girls, I am no longer teaching in any way. I am sad to see them go. I have watched so many of them grow, and actually was enjoying the first class I taught in Primary again in Activity Days.

I've been called to the Relief Society...I am the new Enrichment Leader. I am so outside of my element but am willing to learn. I was called for a reason, and I know that reason was more for my own growth than for anything I can really offer these women. If anyone ever has an incredible Enrichment Night, please forward the info...I could use all the help I can get.

Yellowstone

So we're back from Yellowstone, the trip was great but long. We broke the drive up into 3 days on the way up and powered through on the way home, making it in 2 days. The car was so packed on the drive up it was quite a joke. We stopped at Juan's the first night and stayed at Daniel's the second night. Quite to my delight Joshua decided to tag along and joined us for the week.

On our last day of driving on the way there, we caravaned with Irene's family and drove up through Jackson Hole and the Grand Tetons. It was such a beautiful drive. During our stay, we saw all the major attractions - the Mud Volcano, Sulphur Caldron's, Painted Pots, Old Faithful, and many, many geysers. We saw tons of Buffalo, and even got to experience them up close and personal.

I discovered I am quite the city slicker and was constantly worried about lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Ok, just bears...but that's enough for me.

On the drive home, we made it in 2 days. I was so proud of my boy. He really did well. The first day, we only drove 5-1/2 hours. The second day, we drove 7-1/2 hours but made lots of stops along the way for a grand total of 11 hours of traveling in that one day. We did do lots of different things to pass the time with Little Leo like playing the "stinky feet" game...I've attached a video as that is the only way to get the full effect.

Camping was an experience, and Leonard and I intend to try it again. Next we want to try beach camping.

Papi's Chair

My father-in-law, Leonardo is an excellent grandfather and a good man all the way around. He is always looking for things he can do for his family - especially his grandchildren. Recently, we were at a family gathering at Leonard's sisters house. In her home, her playroom is set up with child size chairs for each one of her kids. Leo loves them! So of course, Leonardo drove all over town looking for a chair that would match our living room.

He found one of course, and Leo couldn't be happier with his new chair! Here he is sitting in the lap of luxury.

Exhausted

For a few months, Leonard and I have been planning a camping trip to Yellowstone National Park. We are going with my two sisters and their families as well as my eldest brother's family. It seems like we've been talking about this trip for months and now the time is nearly upon us and I'm left to wonder where has the time gone?

This weekend the greater part of my family is all going to Las Vegas for an awesome family party. Everyone looks forward to these gatherings. A 4-bedroom house filled to the brim with stubborn, loud, opinionated, mate-drinking Badal's. I LOVE IT. To give you an idea of how many people will be crammed into this modest home...the last count = 43 people. People will literally be sprawled out into every crevice of the house.

So as I prepare for our weekend in Vegas, I am quickly realizing I will only have 3 days upon our return to get us completely ready to leave for our camping trip. Initially I thought that would be plenty of time to pull it all together. Now, I'm not so sure. Leonard says my nerves are getting the best of me and that I'm over analyzing it...he may be right. I just want to make sure he has a good time. Leonard has never really camped before, therefore, does not have the fond memories that I have nor the desire for it. Little Leo I know is going to love it...6 days outside constantly in the dirt, life doesn't get any better than that for little boys.

So, I've begun preparing for everything all at once, and my mind is running all over the place making lists and taking mental notes. So I've got lots to do, not so much time to do it in, and I'm already exhausted....but totally stoked at the same time.

Go Big Blue

Last night we went to a Dodger game, it was Little Leonard's first! This was something Leonard has been waiting for quite some time. When I was pregnant, the day of our ultrasound, we were going to a Dodger game, since it was simultaneously his birthday. He instructed the technician to put our sonogram photos into an envelope for us to open later that same day when we were at the stadium "just in case" it was a boy. It has been a big dream of his to relive some of his own cherished childhood memories of Dodger stadium with his own father.

We have wanted to take Leo for a while we just weren't sure if he was ready. I have suspected he was ready for quite some time, and we finally went for it last night. Needless to say, I was right...he took it like a champ. We also took my nephew Jonathan with us. He comes from a family of Angels fans, but because of the special relationship he has with Uncle Leo he has been converted to a Dodgers fan. Leonard promised him long ago that he would take him to a game and he has never forgotten. We had a great time, and Jonathan spent the night extending our fun into today.

The boys did really well together, and Leo gets so much from having someone to coincide with on the home turf. He doesn't share very well, so it's good for him. After the game there just so happened to be a fireworks show. Jonathan loved this and was still talking about it this morning. I have attached a short video (about a minute's worth) of the show, it doesn't feature any people, fyi.

Going to games is something of a cherished tradition of ours, we have gone to countless games and is something I love to do. Going to baseball games with kids however, is so different. I usually am right in there with Leonard yelling and cheering and am very involved in the game...this time I was up and down, feeding and wiping, missing most of the game. It's all right though, going with kids adds a different dynamic. It's not about you and your own memories, it's about their memories, which is so much more important.

All and all, it was a great adventure and we can't wait to do it again now that we know Leo can hang like a little trooper.

The Dinner Table

Tonight, as we sat down at our dinner table to eat, Little Leonard was in a particularly good mood. We folded our arms to pray, as did he, then as we said our prayer he began whispering his own prayer as well (which is a stage I love and think is the most rewarding thing to experience). Anyway, we finished our prayer and prepared to eat, but Leo wanted to pray again. He folded his arms, looked around at us as though he was waiting for us to do the same, which we did and he said his prayer. When we finished, we picked up our forks preparing to eat, but Leo wanted to pray again. This went on another 4 more times.

Sometime later, he began spilling his cup out to play with his juice and make a big mess. Leonard firmly told him "no" and gave him a stern fatherly look. Sure enough, Leo gave him one right back. He then squealed in delight as if to say, "take that" with your manners.

Oh boy...times are gettin' fun around here. I love it. He has so much character and spunk. Sadly, I see a lot of myself in his personality and am sitting a little scared as each day passes and he becomes a little more defiant. I already know the roller coaster I am in for. Let's just hope that I've mended my ways enough to have earned a pardon during the dreaded teenage years.

All Hail the Somersault!

It was a big day for Little Leo...after weeks of trying and almost achievements, today he conquered the somersault. To see the look of pride on his face as he got up was just incredible. He was so proud of his little self...as am I.

Poof!

Where does the time go? When I was pregnant, I felt like the time just flew by. I remember thinking 9 months is a long way to go, and then having a panic attack because the time went by so quickly. Since Leo was born, time seems to go that quickly still. It amazes me that it's time to start getting ready for his second birthday already. I know it's still 3 months away, but we will have such a packed summer, with trips to Las Vegas, Yellowstone, and Arizona, that I need to begin making decisions as to whether or not to do anything or wait until next year. A part of me feels that a big party for him at this age would really be just a waste since he won't know what is going on is for him. Yet, on the flip side, what mother doesn't want to do something special for their child?

Leo began walking at 9-1/2 months...since then, I have used this little bicycle he has a marker for his growth. It took a while before he even paid it any attention, then he just pushed it all around the back yard. Then, he progressed to climbing onto the seat but was unable to reach the ground or pedals once he was on. Before long, he was able to push himself around going backwards. Then suddenly, it was too small for him and we had to adjust the seat.

However, Sunday, he cast that bike aside and discovered his Big Wheel. This Big Wheel used to be his cousin's and was really too big for him for such a long time. He has just sat on it thing for months playing with all the buttons (they make motorcycle sounds, and play music like a radio, etc.) or I would push him around the yard but now *POOF* it fits. Not only that, but he knew what to do with it. He just climbed on, and started to go like he's been doing it all along. He rode around and around the back yard, cool as cool can be.

I know I am silly, it's not like he just got his drivers license or anything...it's just going so quickly. I know I say this all the time but I am just continuously amazed by the lightening speed of life. *POOF* you're a kid, playing in the neighbor's swimming pool enjoying the lazy days of summer. *POOF* you're going to Prom and graduation. *POOF* you're having the time of your life as a young twenty-something. *POOF* You're a parent watching the cycle beginning to repeat itself.

***POOF*** What's next?

Father's Day Recap

In Leonard's family, each of us takes a holiday in which we host the get together. Father's Day is our holiday. Initially, it was a great way to get my mind off my own father who I could no longer share that day with. Being busy, cooking and cleaning and hosting leaves no time to be sad and miserable. However, the last few years, it has morphed into something different for me, since now I do have a father to celebrate in my life once more. My son's father...and what a father he is. Leonard does so much for us, and I am so proud to have him as "my baby's daddy"

Leonard you are my best friend, and a fabulous husband and I love you so very much. You are an amazing father and I love watching you with our son. It brings me so much joy to see you enjoy fatherhood the way you do.

Family Gatherings

This weekend we went up to San Jose to gather in celebration for Nathan's graduation. Leonard was out of town on business last week, so my Mom and I drove up on Tuesday. Irene and her family arrived on Thursday. Together the 4 of us cooked, cleaned, and prepped for the party.

Anita was so worried that we weren't having a good time, but I was having a blast. I don't often get to spend so much time with my sisters and my Mom all together at the same time. It was very nostalgic for me, and reminded me so much of our youth. I had such a great time, and rekindled such fond memories.

Years ago, spending so much time with my family would have been punishment. I would have had to think of something to sneak away for even just a moment. I am pleased how much I cherish these times now. I really do enjoy my family and value our association; I can hardly wait for our BIG family gathering in July! That one's going to be loads of fun...all the family will be there for that one.

Oblivious

My little Dakota, we call her "Fat Girl" because she is stocky and solid but she looks a lot smaller than counter part, Miss Memphis. The other thing to know about Dakota is that she is just a little sweet heart. She is just so lovable and she loves everybody.

Memphis is Dakota's polar opposite. She is wild and crazy and the Alpha dog. She totally bullies Dakota and yet, Dakota still loves her endlessly. When Memphis was a pup we took her to obedience training. Our dog is the only one I've ever heard of to be expelled from obedience training. We are paying these people for their services and they kick her out of school, it was hilarious. We call her our "beauty school drop out". However, while yes, she was kicked out of school, she is the dog who is trained. She knows sit, stay, lay down...only the basics, but if I tell her to come or to stay I know I will have her in my control.

Dakota on the other hand, is oblivious. She barely knows "sit" and only obeys when it is convenient to her. So today, I have the 2 dogs and Little Leo out in the front yard, I'm throwing the ball to Memphis, Dakota is chasing Memphis nipping at her heels, and I've got Leo in his little car and I'm pushing him up the driveway, letting it roll back like a little ride for him. Everyone is doing well, I've got the situation in control, no worries. Then a tiny little Asian girl turns the corner with her big Siberian Husky. Dakota instantly starts to run over to the dog, oblivious of the possible dangers that could be awaiting her. I quickly try to get my dogs and my kid into the garage to hopefully prevent the situation from going in the direction I know it is headed.

First off, I don't know if the other dog is friendly or not, so my first concern is for Dakota's well being and for her brand new, very expensive leg. Secondly, my Dakota is off leash, and I know my free-loving little hippie is going to go following after the other dog. Well, I manage to get Dakota to come back and Memphis is obediently staying put as I have instructed her to do so. Little Leo is climbing out of his car to get a better look at the dog and is headed toward the street. So I turn to get my kid, when Dakota decides to dart after this other dog. There she goes, and goes, and goes, and goes...I panic. I have 3 extensions of my body all running loose. I don't know what to do. I've got Leo in the street, Memphis at alert and Dakota chasing down a dog 10x her size. I have to run after Dakota all the while praying that no cars come while my child is in the street.

Needless to say, I captured Dakota, no cars came while my child was left carelessly in the middle of the street, and my legs literally felt like jelly as I closed the garage and brought everyone inside the house. I don't know that I'll be putting myself in such a brainless situation again. It seemed innocent enough...but I obviously was oblivious to all the dangers that be...and that won't keep Leonard from being upset about this regardless.

The Best Day Ever

Since having my son, there has been so many days. There have been days where I wish I could go back to bed, there have been days that I've questioned my decision to have kids, and even more days when I've questioned my decision to be a stay-at-home-Mom...but yesterday, was by far, the best day ever...and even more exciting is that yesterday has spilled over into today.

Yesterday, Leo woke up from his nap so happy. We were having such a great time, that I couldn't bring myself to leave him and go make dinner -- so I didn't. We just played and played, dinner came later. We built a blanket fort - he loved it. What kid doesn't enjoy that? I remember building forts as a child and remember it fondly. They were cool then, and to be honest, it was fun now too.

Then today, Leo has just been so cute. Coming up, for no apparent reason to give me hugs, reading books together.

These are days I stay home for. This is why I am a stay-at-home-Mom!

Hitch

Last year, I underwent patch testing to finally find out what my allergies were. I've always had extremely sensitive skin and I never knew what would set off my skin into a raging rash and breakout. So after enduring a week of testing, it was found that I am allergic to Quanternium-15. A chemical component found in make-up, soaps, lotions, and sunscreens. I was devastated at the thought of not being able to wear make-up anymore. Luckily, I found make-ups that did not contain the compound and life resumed to its normal self for me.

The last year has been great, my skin really was looking much better and I haven't suffered any major flare ups. That is, nothing that would keep me indoors. That was until yesterday. I washed my face using Aveeno Positively Radiant scrubbing pads...my skin was looking a little dull and really needed a pick me up. Well, my skin reacted so badly, and my eyes have swollen up to the point that my eyes are nearly shut. I had to drive out to the Doctor's and get a steroid shot.

I was supposed to be headed back to the gym since having my tattoo treatment, and now I jokingly wonder, if the steroids are going to bulk me up like a body builder. :) But I have another 48 hours to make it through looking like Will Smith in Hitch.

Juan F. Badal, II

I miss you Dad.

Man, I love that kid...

It amazes me sometimes how much you can love your kids. It's unfathomable that it is possible to love someone THAT much. It's not for any real reason, it's not like he's done anything super special to set him apart from other kids...it's just that he is mine. I love him for who he is, for all the areas where he does excel and for all the areas where he could stand to improve. He makes me so happy. It's the simple day-to-day, every day mundane details that I enjoy the most.

I love being able to take him outside every day for our walk or bike rides. I love being able to teach him how to love and enjoy reading books. I love hearing him ask for a drink, when he says "agua" - it is just the cutest thing I've ever heard. I love singing songs with him, and watching him trying to do all the little hand gestures with me. I love that when we count to 3 now that he uses his fingers to count along. I love his fearlessness. I love watching him grow. I love that such a short time can pass and make such a big difference with his maturity. I love being his Momma and if he's the only one I ever get, I would be happy.

Torn

I am so torn up about what to do with the whole pacifier thing. I feel really bad doing this to Leo. I feel so bad that I just want to give it back to him. The worst is when he asks for it during the day while he is playing, that is when my little heart breaks for him.

He's adjusted just fine to sleeping with out his pacifier; car rides are still difficult. Car rides I expected to be the difficult transition however, so therefore, I think I am able to work through that better. I already have a plan in place to deal with that....distraction. It works great on him. I just point out a truck driving by and all is forgotten.

But when we are home however, and he is playing, and asks for his bink that is when he gets me and distracting him no longer works. I just feel horrible. He cries and he begs and he tries to dig in my pockets and purse to find it because he knows that is where I hide them.

Oh, my little guy. A part of me wants to cave and give it back to him, but then I think about how far we've come already. Maybe I can find a happy medium somewhere.

I'm spoiled...

My husband takes good care of me...what can I say. Tonight I got a new laptop. Yea! I love him for taking such great care of me.

Remembering Dad

The anniversary of my Dad's death, is not actually for another week. But it was 4 years ago today that he had his stroke. It is today, that I feel as though I lost him. It is today, that I sit and watch the clock and remember with perfect clarity all that transpired.

I used to be so angry...angry that he stopped taking his medication because he thought he could cure himself. I was so angry that it was me who had to find him in that condition. I was angry that I carried around so much guilt because I couldn't save him. Lastly, I was so angry about all that he was going to miss.

I'm not so angry anymore. I just ache for him, and sadly, that isn't even what it used to be. They say that time heals all wounds, and it does. I have even been able to look back now, and I can't say that I'm grateful for the experience, because I'm just not there yet, but, I am, however, in understanding of it. I have finally been able to reflect upon it enough, and digest all the pieces that from that experience I have begun to learn. I can accept the fact now, that I couldn't save him...it was never meant to be. I can also forgive myself for not having been there earlier for him and take solace in the fact that I was there for him when he needed me.

Mostly now, I am just left with sadness. I am sad that he never saw me truly well. He only saw me struggling. He never got to see me become a mother, and never got to see my son. I look at Leo when he plays with my Mom and I thank God everyday that at least he has her. She makes up for the both of them. It doesn't change the fact that I still wish he could be here. He has missed so much...births, weddings, and graduations, the list goes on.

I do realize the separation is temporary. I know I'll see him again, and I look forward to that day. I look forward to the day when I can tell him how sorry I am for all that I made him suffer. As a parent, I am only beginning to understand what I put him through. But for now, and for years to come, I will miss him...and today, I will always remember him.

Tattoo Update

Just went for treatment #9 today. Yuck.

I uploaded a few pictures to show you what it looks like after a treatment. In case you were wondering.

Our 5-Day Forecast = Grim

I do not look forward to the next couple of days. I've decided that the almighty pacifier must go! I originally planned to take the bottle first, for the sole reason of my being afraid to take the pacifier away. Sadly, however, my child has forced me to take alternative action.

He has begun eating his binky. Literally. He is chewing them up. He slides them to the side of his mouth and just grinds on them. It's so bizarre. So, because I am afraid of his ingesting pieces of plastic...I've decided to take the binky away. I guess, more accurately, I should say, I am letting him grind each one up, one at a time, and when they are gone...they are gone.

Aaaah! It's my #2 fear to take that thing away. #1 being of course to potty train. So, car rides and nap time, and nursery and that hour before nap/bed time...are going to be beastly. I feel as though I am in mourning. Needless to say, the bottle has been given a pardon. It gets to stay for now, and its departure date is yet to be determined.

Writer's Block

Uuuuggghhh....I am at a complete void. I have my Activity Day girls coming over tomorrow and I feel as though I don't know what in the world to do with them. I have lots of great ideas of things to do that would be fun, but none of them apply. It seems as though, the last 5 times I've had it, they've either been fun days or were working on "Developing Talents". Well I am all out of ideas for fun days and all out of ideas for "Developing Talents". I want another topic.


For those who read my blog who don't know what Activity Days are, this is what it is: For all girls in our Sunday school (which we call Primary) between the ages of 8-12 we gather them together every other week and do different activities. We alternate between "fun days" where no description is really necessary as it is just that...we do something fun, without any particular focus. Other times, we get together and have small lessons, or projects, or events that pertain to a number of areas, including 'Developing Talents'. The whole idea of this program is to further prepare the girls for challenges they will face as teens and adulthood. The program teaches all sorts of topics, including how to use a budget, humanitarian projects, being in the service of others, etc.

So anyway, I have my girls tomorrow, and I haven't the slightest idea what to do. All my good ideas, I already used for Fun Days or they don't apply to our topic or I've already done something I could have used this time, the last time I had them. I'm running out of time and I feel like I'm facing a brick wall.