Today Little Leonard went on his first official outing without me. I can't believe how much I miss him. I feel so weird, like a piece of me is missing. It's funny how in such a short time someone can totally alter your life. Leo is totally attached to me and Mom is always saying how I need to make him more independent. However, today I realize it is me who needs to become more independent.
When my in-laws arrived this morning, Leo was ecstatic. He ran out the door without so much as a wayward glance. As I shut the door, I had tears in my eyes...okay I am a Badal, but that is pathetic. It's just a trip to the mall. After he left, I prayed my little heart out that he would be okay. It's silly I know, he is in perfectly capable hands. But I won't be there. What if they don't understand his little monkey grunts. I didn't know what to do with myself or all the free time. It got me thinking how different my life is now.
I look back on all the places I've been in my life and have determined it wasn't really life at all. To look back now with the contrast of what my life is today only makes yesterday seem that much darker. I look back and remember the type of person I was and am saddened by what I allowed myself to experience and see. But the saddest part is, that with drug addiction, you can overcome it, but you can never allow yourself to forget it. That's how you relapse. So my darkest days I will forever carry with me. But as for today, I can look at what I have and see how bright my future is...and actually be grateful for the tinge of sadness I am experiencing today because it is a good thing. My life today, is good. It is sweet and filled with all the things I love. My husband, my son, my Mom, my brothers and sisters and all their forgiving grace and my nieces and nephews. I am so grateful for the Lord and his infinite wisdom in providing a way for me to get to this place. Because on my darkest day, it was the Lord who took my hand and led me to where I am now.
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4 comments:
There's something seriously wrong with your posting elements. I wrote this super Spiritual comment & it got blasted off the board. I was feeling all good about my comment & BAM-gone.
What I was trying to say, but it's nothing like the original. You are experiencing the full measure of your creation. Also...you are one of the most SPIRITUAL women I know. I mean it, I'm not being phony when I say this. There are few people who has that capacity.
*hugs you*
I don't know how you did it. My son isn't here yet, but I can totally sympathize with you. You've come a long way Liz, I am proud of you. I am sure things will be ok. I know other moms who started letting go for short periods like this, and they now love it when their kids leave :S Gosh I don't know....
Anyway, have a nice gift or surprise for him when he gets back :)
Does your belly button hurt? That is the cord still attached, but that is O.K. mine hurt this morning when J. when back to school and he is 12. You will always miss him. Well maybe not always.
You are your experiences. Whether we learn from them or not is the test. You have conquered and learned and you, your husband, your son and all who love you has been blesses for it. Remember all those who stood by you. Even in your darkest time you were never alone.
Awww, now you made me teary. You are such a good mom, and such a good wife, and such a good person. I'm so glad to just know you!
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