Today I got home from church and I cried. I can't do it anymore and today I want to give up so badly it hurts. I am so frustrated. Leo has been a pill all this week - seriously Senor Attitude makes me wonder if I really want any more children. The kid is going through changes. Irene used to say that having kids makes you try harder at correcting the areas in your own life where you are lacking or may need work. Well patience has never been a strong point for me and is definetly an area that needs work. But come on people....a little bit at a time please!
Church has always been an area of difficulty for us. Leo just won't sit still. I don't ever make it through a meeting at church and today was no exception. I watch all these other kids sit through the hour NO PROBLEM. But mine...NO. He is tap dancing on top of chairs, trying to talk to other kids like 4 or 5 pews away, throwing Hymnals, taking off with people's walkers and getting all upset because he only got 1 piece of bread.
When I take him out to the lobby I get comments on how he just can't learn how to be reverent yet. Or comments on how well behaved his is when his Dad is here. Yes, people...I know that. I don't need the reminders, thank you. It is easier when Leonard goes to church with us, Leo behaves for his Dad in ways he doesn't for me...But Leonard doesn't go to church with us very often and instead of wishing that he would I have to figure out a solution.
In nursery today, he was super clingy...I think he was afraid I was going to leave him again. We finally just came home 1/2 way through the last hour. Leonard says to be more patient, that that is just the way he is. That ours is a little more active and needy than most. But I feel as though the problem is with me. Yes, my child is active - extremely active, he never stops...but I must be doing something wrong. Why can't I get control over him? I was hoping the loss of control and lack of respect wouldn't occur until he was 16 not 16 months.
I do not look forward to next week. I don't know what I need to do to correct things. I am at a total loss and am utterly frustrated at this point. All I want to do is what is right. I want to take my kid to church and expose him to things that are good and will help him develop into a young man who has his priorities right. Yet every Sunday it's becoming increasingly difficult. Any suggestions? I am willing to try just about anything at this point.
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8 comments:
WHOA! You are having a hard time. That is a difficult thing to deal with. One of Jacki's friend whose husband does go to church told her that going to church is becoming a DREAD. She's going through the same thing with her child in nursury. She's strong like you (faithful) and 2 of her married siblings & their kids and her parents are all in our ward, yet she still finds CHURCH a dread.
However...SHE Always comes and she stays close to the Lord. Keep Anchored Liz, the answers and the strength to perservere will come in stages. Don't give up!
In Sunday School we read the JSH.1:1-26. I think of you like JS. He was doing the right thing: PRAYING to the Lord because he was heeding to the James scripture, when all of a sudden a FORCE so horrible consumed him to where he thought he would be destroyed and he thought he would give up; he mustered the last ounce of strength and put his FAITH in the Lord and that's when the HEAVEN"S opened. The Light came through and evil force against him went away. YOU NEED TO STAY the course.
I will not pretend to be a parenting expert, because I'm not and never will be (I don't think one exists).
My parenting philosophy has always been this: pray. Pray like crazy. Pray about everything. It won't fix immediately, but Heavenly Father WILL bless you for your faithfulness. And someday you'll look back at this time and forget how terrible it was.
My heart goes out to you. You can do it!
I'm sorry to hear you had such a crummy day.
On the bright side, I think you'll be a better woman for it. The most meaningful and important challenges in our lives always involve the things that are precious to us (like children and parents and testimonies).
We're put in these crazy situations where we run out of ideas and have little choice but to turn to God. We pray and plead and sob out our frustration. And in that moment of trial -- in that refiner's fire -- we get to know God. We learn that he really is our Father, that He loves us and mourns with us. We learn that the atonement covers our sorrows as well as our sins, and that Christ meant it when he promised to succor us. Perhaps best of all, we learn that this too will pass . . . and that we're stronger than we realize, if only because the Lord helps us up when we stumble.
I love you, Liz. Good luck next week.
Hi Lizzie!
First, I love you and admire all that you are doing, especially when things are not as you expect. I'm not a "pro" or anything like that, but don't feel bad, that Little Leo behaves better with his Dad, most kids do. We get to stay home, and because they see us all the time, they do behave like they do because we are there all the time, and we provide the stability that the kids need, making them confident in their actions because we give them security! It is actually a good thing that he behaves with you the way he does, because he feels safe. Next, Little Leo is a smart little guy, so he has you figured out and he knows how to push your buttons! So, just a thought, try changing the way you are reacting to him at church, and see if that changes anything. I always took "new" toy, or things that he has never seen before to church just for "those" times. I had "quiet" books that were only for church. It may work! Pray and ask for help when those times happen, and listen to the Spirit, he will guide you in what to do! I promise!
Juan says that you have to have a "line" he does not cross, so that when you say this is it, he knows it! One of our tricks was that if we took the kids outside the chapel, they had to sit on our lap, and not walk around, and we would tell them that if they wanted to have freedom, they needed to go back inside, quietly and behave. When we went back inside, we would reward them with a toy or freedom in the isle that we were sitting in, that way they knew if we went outside they would not have any fun at all. I had to do this for 5 years by myself because Juan was in the Bishopbric and he never sat with us in church while we had little kids, so I do know how you feel!Hang in there!
Love,
Ana
Holly cow! Jared flashbacks. He did the same sort of things and Spencer was at work so I did it alone. Our ward thought I was a single mom for a long time. I just sat in the back. The WAAAAAAY back. I was concerned about bothering others but everyone has been there. Slowly you move up the rows. I did have one day where I lost it and cried. A sister pulled me aside and told me it would all be fine. It is overwhelming. The best thing I can recommend it consistency.
When he is a little older like 2 0r 3 start making it unfun to be out of the chapel. For jacob we had a chair in the corner of the mothers room. We started with the foyer and he could play a little but to much it would be in the mothers room where he had to sit but I could still hear what was going on. He could play quietly in the chapel but had zero in the mothers room.
Also see if one of the young women would like to sit with you maybe that might be helpful. Some of the moms with husbands who aren't there every week have help from the youth.
I remember that thinking that it would never end but it does. Think of it in terms of eternally rather than week to week. You taking him every week and "enduring to the end" will benefit him in the eternities.
Eye on the prize!
These are all great comments. We love you Liz. You have a great resource in all these family members. I wish I could say it like Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain.” All our kids were bad in church. Yea, I used to see those other families too and wonder what was up with mine, but that is just the way it is.
Anyway, I soon realized that my church experience was for my kids, not me. I went years without enjoying church when our kids were at that stage. We went methodically every Sunday, and believe it or not, they do get used to it. We are doing pretty good now, but we still have our moments – even with the 15 year old!
Hang in there,
Ben
Wow, you received a lot of good advice. I am learning as I read. I guess the basic law is hang in there and work at it. Sorry I can't offer any better advice than what is already listed as I am a noob myself. But at least I can see what I will be going through. :)
Hey Liz,
Boy does that sound familiar! We have all been there. I think everyone's advice is dead on--you just keep at it. Don't let it get you upset or embarrassed. It takes time, and the next year will be the toughest.
We always brought things for the kids, and when they really misbehaved, we would take them out where it wasn't fun. Do you remember in Pasadena when Jon would sometimes put the kids in a spare classroom, and have them sit on the top of a tall piano? They couldn't get down and had nothing to do. They hated that! They were angels once they got to go back in!
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