My New Year's Resolve

So today, as I was walking this morning my mind was wandering and I began thinking about my New Year's Resolutions. I haven't made any in years, I think it's pretty much a joke because nobody ever really lives up to their resolve. But this year, I have decided to give it another go. Why? Because I think this is something that really deserves my attention.

At first I was thinking of the universal favorite of "lose weight" but then I decided no, that's no good. What I am going to work on is two-fold. I want to focus on getting healthy and learning to accept my body the way it is. I workout regularly and I am easily in the best shape I probably have ever been in, but that doesn't mean I don't have a long way to go. Last year, I participated in the Revlon Run/Walk for Breast Cancer,

This is what it looks like, it is so awesome

and as I prepare to register again this year, I just want to have fun with it. I just want to do it for the good cause that it is, not as an excuse or a hope of it getting me to loose more weight. I would like to finish the course in better time than I did last year but that is all the pressure I am putting on myself. Why? Because when I don't loose as much as I would like to maybe I won't be so disappointed with myself.

I have decided that I need to learn to love myself just the way I am instead of trying to get back to where I was. I wasn't healthy before. To be totally honest, I used to smoke a pack a day and starve myself. Of course I was skinny! But then I quit smoking and I also developed PCOS (Poly-cycstic Ovarian Syndrome) all within the same time frame. I gained 50 lbs. in 1 year. Since then, I have struggled with body image and I am tired of it. It's time to re-empower myself. I've done it before, I can do it again. I need to focus on what I have done. I lost the 20 lbs. I gained when I quit smoking and I am very proud of that. Losing what I have gained due to my PCOS is something entirely different. PCOS causes your body to not only gain weight but to hold onto it too. Losing weight is not impossible just difficult. But I don't want to care about that anymore. I just want to be healthy, be doing the best I can and not hating every minute I'm at the gym. I may not ever be a size 4 again. That's okay.

It's funny how the facial hair and male patterned baldness I had when I first developed PCOS didn't bother me as much as the weight gain. Priorities! I have got to get them in order. So that's my New Year's Resolution - just to get over myself, and get healthy! I have never been an athlete but I did actually begin to love working out and how much it affected my mood and attitude. Then I got lazy and it's a chore again. But I'm working on it.